They all seem similar, and it's not uncommon for us to use these words in the same string. Or, for us to use the latter two when describing a time we needed self-control. But, there is an important distinction among these concepts, in research and literature.
Eve and her apple
I'll go over what defines these feelings, give a few examples, and describe why the distinction is crucial to understand.
Self-Control:
In layman's terms, it is the ability to controls ones actions. How we generally use it is as, the will to do whats expected even against our own interests. For a lot of us this included homework, tests, and chores. Any act or responsibility expected of us regardless of how we viewed the outcome. It's a trait we'd like more of, especially around new year's, but one we don't fully commit to.
Delaying gratification:
is the ability to push our wants and desires into the future. We allow ourselves satisfaction after meeting a goal or deadline. This works as an extrinsic motivator along with our intrinsic (getting something done) motivation. We double down to finish a task. We experience this daily, or wish we did. For many it's likely a habit. Refusing to go out until the house is clean, getting a treat after studying, or unwinding after a long shift. The ability to delay is crucial when we wind down that narrow road towards a deadline. And, the reward tastes twice as sweet for a job well done.
Resisting temptation:
A subset of the two. It can't exist without them, but it is a unique concept. To me, it is the most difficult of the three to contend with. Imagine having just started a diet. The first day into the office is a coworkers birthday. Cake, chips, and candy galore. This isn't a scenario where you can have some later or you're forced into something you don't want. It's cake. You want cake. And your only reward? Weight loss in the future. Its hard to compare something you don't have (weight lose) to the immediate temptation in front of you.
For other's this includes staying faithful in relationships or keeping quiet when we believe someone has wronged us. It's important to stay strong in the short term, because it's times like these that giving in, even if just a bit, can end up with saddling us with guilt.
Why does it matter?
Around five years ago some new concept came out in the field self-control called ego-depletion. This study stated that sugar was the key to our ability to stay in control. It only took a few years for this research to be essentially refuted, but what came of it was a greater focus on delaying gratification. Something I'm sure we could all use a bit more of in reaching our goals.
On the other end of the spectrum, and it's definitely a personal belief, I think that the best way to contend with a problem is to have a deep understanding of it. That's why I spend so much time researching these topics. I want to be better and do more. That requires focus and self-control.
What's next?
I'll be diving into the research around ego depletion, how we can use it to our advantage when making and achieving goals, and where it falls flat.
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