But, as I tell my students, the more resistance you feel, the more you should blurt it out.(Although not necessarily on a public platform unless you're sure that's safe for you, which it is for me.) So here goes.
Please notice this heart is in very neat pieces.
That mediation session I talked about in my last okayest post? I was so hopeful my heart is cracking as I speak because I thought for sure, walking away, that all could be well. I am not under the illusion that longstanding toxic patterns will resolve overnight, but I went in with hope.
I came out with anger. The longer I sit with what was said, the more I am hurt. This is unusual for me. I'm all about reframing with positivity. But that hope? A lot of that hope is gone or on pause or maybe in the stratosphere in occultation or something. What I'm sure of is I can't pin in down. And that's okay.
It's okay that my heart is broken. It's okay that my session didn't resolve the issues. And it's okay because it did make clear many other issues that will require resolving. I am able to see what the paths ahead are like--the path of least resistance where I live my own life free from the poison of grasping thorns, and the path of the damned, rife with bloodshed and emotional violence.
I am tired of hurting. I am tired of having to be the leader out of the quicksand. I don't want to roll onto any more bursts of fire to protect those I love so they can learn how to love me back without hurting me. So today I am thinking of just not doing that anymore.
Entertaining the thought of no longer working to save a relationship that is clearly not working to save me (or my children) is me being my okayest.
How are you doing your okayest today?
I hereby challenge 
. What say you?Learn all about the #MyOkayest 7 Day Challenge here.
image from pixabay.com