It's winter and about that time of the year. We put on knee socks, get under three blankets, reach for the hot coffee by the bed and after a sip, your glasses become so opaque that you have to transform into Adam Driver to see your keyboard. Every. Freaking. Time.
There's a lot the myopics have to put up with, but this by far takes the cake. I will share in this article few of the inconveniences I have to deal with as a guy who hates 3D movies.
I wear corrective spherical lenses for nearsightedness, with a power of -4. 5D on either side. So, that means I go to the barber shop and ask for a whiskey on the rocks. I worry about the long trip to ophthalmologist's than my fashion sense every time someone says, 'Can't you see what you're wearing?'
Whenever I lose my glasses and people ask me to 'just search for it', I can't bring myself to ask 'with what eyes?'
I can't wear sunglasses. There's prescription sunglasses, yes, but I'd rather walk like a penguin than lose my kidney over bloody sunglasses.
I can't see in the rain.
I can't see the whiteboard in the class without turning into a pigeon.
I have to massage the bridge of my glasses more often than I speak.
Every time someone says 'the bottom-line is', I go 'Y U X I P'.
'Guess who I bumped into today' means something else for me than it does for other people.
I can't take a photo with my glasses on and I can't see the camera without them.
Every time someone takes my glasses off to try them on themselves and exclaims 'Whoa you're blind!', I wonder how dumb the rest of the sperms must have been.
I don't have enough crayons to explain it to people who hold up their hands and ask me how many fingers I see.
When my glasses are smudged, I think there's something in my eyes and rub them till they're sore before it dawns on me that my glasses are smudged and when I try to clean them with the corner of my shirt, they get even more smudged only for me to realize I'm indeed a hemorrhoid.
I understand why people don't recognize Clark Kent and Superman as the same person.
I can understand Husserl when I clean my glasses.
I can't use any of the filters on Instagram with my glasses on.
I don't play football.
Yeah, there's no end to my predicaments as a four-eye and I could go on and on to Antarctica about it but I'm scared I'd lose my glasses somewhere and have to walk around like Fry in "that" meme, looking suspicious of everything, asking the sketchy piece of shit called the fire hydrant if it's seen my glasses and bump into more people than there are cells in my body (because I'd mistake everything for people) just to hear some guy at the South Pole say to me, "Why don't you wear contacts?"
But I'd surely like to hear more about your woes too as a fellow blind ass in the comments section below.
