We tend to dissociate when we are asked for advice or emotional support. How I always look at it when someone comes to me to open up, is that I always consider their problem as my own problem. This doesn't mean that I want them to feel my sympathy. Not at all.
The old model of therapists and psychologists is that they sit there to listen to you to guide you. What I have experienced is that if you want to heal other people, you should first be able to heal yourself. Otherwise, this whole idea of this conversation is mind-numbingly wrong. When I see people talking about their issues, the first and most important reminder for me is that this is also my own problem. After all, why would they come to me if they didn't have (even unconsciously) this in mind that I had formerly struggled with that sort of issue?
There is something in between.
Also, as I have been on this path of mindfulness and getting to know myself, the way I look at people's problem is that this is also something about me as well. Therefore, I immediately dig into myself to see how the process of my own healing has been going on regarding that issue? have I solved that in myself or not? have I even been honest enough with myself to see that I am also struggling with this issue or not?
Usually, nowadays, the issues with which we are challenging are shared between us all. Most of us have had parental issues, financial difficulties, relationships with toxic people and the list goes on.
Thus, My understanding is that helping others and healing them requires that we do not exclude ourselves and sit in a higher position. We need to be aware that if we want to really help our friends and folks, we deeply need to see ourselves first of all.
This has two benefits:
Firstly it helps us to get to know ourselves and heal ourselves as well.
Secondly, we will be able to see the issue more clearly and help our friends and family members.
I profusely believe that true healing nowadays depends on world healing. We should help everyone and first of us ourselves to be able to share this to benefit us all.