As soon as I woke up I was reminded that today is the 9 month anniversary of my house blowing up. It was on my mind when I went to bed, which totally explains why it was also my first thought upon waking up.
It’s been nine months of frustration, setbacks and delays. Nine months of days splintered by waiting for the information, cooperation and documentation we need to start repairs. Nine months of nightmares and worries and headaches and uncertainty and, … well, you get the idea.
It’s been a brain-draining suckfest the past nine months. Except, that is, for when it hasn’t been.
WAIT. WHAT?
SUBJECTIVE MIND:
Does it suck being homeless? Not knowing where my possessions are? Having zero idea of when, or even if, I’ll ever get to go home again? Yes. Hell yess! OMFG affirmative all day, every day.
OBJECTIVE MIND:
Isn’t it dope to survive such a thing? To wake up to tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow? To have opportunities to plan for the future? Yes. Hell yess! OMFG affirmative all day, every day.
Bad things happen every day, but that doesn’t have to make every day bad. - yours truly
Just typing that feels good! Like a bona fide supreme achievement of epic proportions considering what a MAJORLY hard-won concept it’s been for me to get! :raised_hands:
Like most of us, I have a habit of mentally marking these kinds of mopey anniversaries. But waking up this morning with a positive outlook – despite knowing what day it is – now that’s 100% badass bossitude right there!
My goal has been to maintain this positude all. damn. day. – and even carry it into tomorrow!
I’m feeling good! I’m motivated! I’m doing it!!
WANT TO JOIN ME?
If the last 9 months have been a lesson in anything, it’s been a 500-level course in control. Or, more accurately – lack of control.
No matter how much I want to and try to – I simply cannot control the people or the processes or the planning or really anything going on outside of or around me. The ONLY thing that’s in my control is my response to any of the many things going on.
Some days I earn my A. Some days I don’t. I’m human. And so are you.
So, I invite you to join me and try this three-point plan the next time you have a stressful anniversary on the horizon:
BE PREPARED
You know it’s coming. You count down the days. Yet somehow, when D-Day arrives, it hits you like a ton of bricks. But it doesn’t have to.
Plan for the day.
- Be aware of emotional triggers.
- Anticipate the unavoidable.
- The more you can manage your mental state ahead of the anniversary, the better you’ll be able to get yourself through it when it arrives.
BE PATIENT
Stressful anniversaries can be overwhelming and frustrating and just awful all around if we’re not patient – with ourselves.
Patience is power, and it’s the highest form of self-care there is.
Three core parts of my patience practice are:
- Taking 1-3 slow, deep breaths whenever I begin to feel frustrated or overwhelmed.
- Telling myself it’s ok to feel what I’m feeling in the moment – as long as I don’t stay there. It’s even more powerful when I do this in front of a mirror.
- Visualizing my perfect reaction to the situation. How do I feel? How do I look? What do I say? This is actual behavioral practice that has made it possible for me to have that reaction!
BE PRACTICAL
Nothing is permanent. And that’s a great thing!
Because as much as life will challenge and frustrate and make us feel like giving up sometimes – it will also equally engage and reward and make us feel like we are the amazing, miraculous, MAGICAL creatures we know we’re capable of being (even if it’s only for a moment here or there).
Everything is temporary. And that includes whatever horrible, rotten, craptastic thing we’re dealing with.
The spectrum isn’t short of specifics.
Stubbed toes. Bad coffee. Incurable illnesses. Shitty commutes. Fights with a friend. Weird workdays. Sick kids. Bad dreams. Broken AC. And yes, even black-eyes and blown up houses.
Everything is temporary!
Enjoy the good stuff, learn from the bad stuff and be patient and kind to yourself while you move from one experience to the other.