In the first couple years of Neo's life, going to the local dog park was a challenge. I had experience with Retrievers and Labs growing up but Jack Russels are a different breed.
No, really.
Neo is very cute but a hunter-killer at heart. He is happiest when chasing any moving animal or object, or being chased by another dog. Something he really enjoys, that has gotten me into trouble, is his love of chasing and barking at cyclists (who go through the unfenced, off-leash dog park).
His bike chasing habit appeared suddenly, causing me to learn the hard way.
One time a cyclist tried to kick Neo in the head as he ran barking beside the bike.
Another time, a man got off his bike shouting, then gripping the handle bar in one hand and seat in the other, swung the bike at Neo, like a scythe to cut wheat.
This bullying only confirmed Neo's belief that bikes are dangerous and all bike riders must be warned of this danger.
I read about dogs and watched a lot of Cesar Milan, refusing to simply avoid the park. Now, if a bike comes, he stands still and looks at me in anticipation of a treat. Quite an improvement. It took working with him daily for a year before his "recall" became so consistent. Before this, on summer days with frequent bike traffic, going to the park was a nightmare.
On one sunny summer day with big fluffy clouds, everyone was enjoying the park. What a nightmare. The bike traffic was flowing, and the BBQs were calling Neo's ol' factory.
A slew of bikes sent Neo on a chasing frenzy, taking him too close to the busy street at the park's edge. I began to panic, fearing his injury or being reamed out ("control your f@#$ing dog!"). Mostly though, I feared his gruesome death.
When I called him, my tone of voice conveyed anger, which quickly devolved into desperate frustration. Long after the bikes had gone, Neo avoided me.
I chased him foolishly. I acted like I didn't care but his senses are uncanny. He knew I was still angry. I gave up. Distraught, I sat down on the grass and waited. The moment I was calm, he came to me, with a low head and apologetic eyes.
He forced me to face a few facts that day. Anger, punishment, or any use of force, don't work to control or change Neo's behaviour. Maybe it works with some dogs, but not him. The opposite is true. If I get angry with him, he senses it and ignores me. If I forcefully (never physically hurting him) grab his scruff and say "NO!" it doesn't stop him from doing the exact same thing the next day.
He has no respect for punishment, aggressive dominance, or any other symptom of insecurity. In his own way, he is a genius who on more than one occasion, via doggy Aikido, deflected my insecurity back to me.
His response of ignoring me is always powerful. I become helpless, my illusion of control shatters. It's like Gandhian violence. I can't do anything but face my insecurity. There is no escaping the anger, no validation of my tantrum.
Faced with the fact that trying to control him doesn't work, I seek to develop a relationship of mutual trust and respect.
If a guy talks like that jerk [Richard Spencer], you should just ignore him. If he hits you, turn around. Don’t even acknowledge him as a person . . . I’m not saying we should greet everyone, embrace them. Be brutal at a different level. When you encounter a guy like the one who was punched, act in such a way that even hitting him, even slapping him is too much of a recognition. You should treat him or her or whoever as a nonperson, literally. --Slavoj Žižek, Slovenian philosopher
Media and conflict
For months, Facebook was flooded with posts attacking Trump. I saw people get very offended about things he said which means they are conflicted, hurt, and afraid. The rationale is he is inciting hatred and violence and something has to be done about it.
Sometimes it feels good to make fun of jerks but if the jerk is the President, we have to be more serious.
Instead of simply condemning bullies/trolls/bigots, wouldn't it have ten times more impact to completely ignore them, give them no recognition, treat them as non-persons, or if the actions can't be ignored, respond rationally and dispassionately?
A rational response exposes and counters distorted thinking, bringing clarity and resolution to the brain. It also disables the entire toolkit of the bully. A non-reaction like Neo's Gandhian violence makes the bully powerless and even pitiful.
Sometimes how people react on social media perpetuates and exacerbates problems. People whip up a frenzy of debate condemning behaviour. In the very action of condemnation, hypocrisy is born: "I hate you for hating," "You're wrong for judging," "I will bully you because you are a bully," etc.
Sophisticated media programs exist to psychologically affect people, but . . .
People are affecting people too. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Grand conspiracy or not, the solution is the same.
As long as people are in conflict internally, there will be conflict externally.
There are many effective conflict resolution techniques backed by science. They can be taught. Skills can be developed.
Independent media could promote conflict resolution and present facts in a way that brings clarity and understanding to issues.
We can become experts of our own psychology. Practice understanding others and ourselves. Observe the constant activities of the brain and the nature of our relationships.
Then we will have tremendous power over how we think, feel, and act. Being offended by a bully becomes an opportunity to discover our hidden fears and prejudice.
If we all do this, any nefarious agenda to psychologically affect people would quickly become ineffective.
I used to worry that not everyone has an alien-dog guru of their own to teach them the secrets of the universe.
But then I found Steemit and knew everything would be OK.
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Images from pixabay, imgflip meme generator, and my camera.
The Slavoj Zizek quote is from here.
Thank you to everyone who has commented and upvoted my posts. It means a lot to me to find so many like-minded people in one place. I always post at least once a week. All liquid payout goes toward funding currency trading experiments. -
