Day 14. Meditation hasn't been this clear for years. I'm becoming visible. Thought is the result of my activity. As the underlying activity of myself becomes visible and is understood it stops briefly. In those moments there is silence and the void is revealed, beckoning me to join the eternal celebration. Then fear begins to surface and thought returns. Thoughts of self-doubt creates a pull to give up but I can't. She keeps me going.
Animals have a natural tendency to avoid pain. A species must have a strong biological desire to avoid injury in order to survive.
Psychologically, traumatic memories triggered by new information has measurable physical side effects. Someone who is severely depressed can experience extraordinary discomfort and agony without any cause outside of the brain.
Instead of literal fight or flight, the brain tries many things to control or escape the pain of depression. This may help in the short term and you may even be able to live with the depression by managing it. Unfortunately, many people accept this as the best possibility achievable. It's what my doctor believed. Learn to manage your issues. Learn to control them.
I maintain and will do so for the rest of my life that it is possible to rip the fucking root of depression out once and for all. This isn't a belief I have or based on anything I have read. It is a fact I have accidentally discovered that I cannot possibly prove as true.
A completely different approach must be taken to heal psychologically. You have to go towards the pain. You have to face it and question it to understand it completely.
The body's natural path is to heal and thrive. All that is required is giving your attention. It's not easy. It's painful. Not doing this though is much more difficult, requires more energy, and is more painful in the long run.
Do nothing, psychologically, for ten minutes. I bet you can't at first. Understanding why will lead you back to peace. Nobody can do this for you. Nobody can help you. Nobody is an authority.
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