Living with someone who has Asperger's Syndrome is a unique experience. For those of you who don't know Asperger's is considered a social disorder where those affected do not perceive social cues very well. This can lead to awkward social situations, and puts a unique and interesting twist when it comes to marrying someone who has this condition.
When I was getting to know the man who would eventually become my husband, he told me about Asperger's Syndrome and how it affected his daily life. I saw the funny things he would do in public that no other human would ever dream of doing due to social conscience. However it didn't take being married very long to realize just how different my husband was. All that time I had been getting to know my man I had always seen him when he was putting fourth effort toward his social skills, and though he told me about how he would behave when relaxed at home it took getting married and living together for me to finally see some of the things he told me about. One such effort that he would stop when tired and at home was any effort in tonal inflections and facial expressions. At first I thought he was feeling down about something, but when this went on for days, I thought maybe he was mad at me. When I confronted him about my concern he laughed (in the least emotive way I had ever seen) and told me that he simply wasn't putting in any effort to have facial expressions or use tonal inflections. A wave of reality (and slight embarrassment) came over me and everything made sense.
There were also unexpected difficulties being married to someone with Asperger's, things that no amount of pre-marital counseling was able to prepare me for. Part of Asperger's is being overwhelmed with information; the squeaking of the fan, the flickering of the lights, the numerous conversations going on in the room, it all becomes too much at some point. One thing that has been particularly taxing for my husband has been reading facial expressions. There are so many emotions conveyed in a single conversation, so many nuances to decipher. Being newly wedded I was full of many emotions and starry eyes. It didn't take long to notice that when we would talk in the evenings that he would avoid looking at my face; often he would fix his gaze to the floor or a wall. I always have his full attention, but his gaze is something, in casual conversation, that I will never have.
There are many reasons I love being married to my husband. He is very analytical, and because of that he often presents a unique perspective to a given situation. One of the things I probably love the most about my husband is his blunt honesty. It sometimes comes out in socially awkward situations, for instance when we were having dinner with a couple of friends and he commented on my weight. I didn't mind, but one of the other guys there was married and he freaked out because if he had ever said anything about his wife's weight either in private or public, he'd be in the doghouse for months! In private it comes more in the way of 'does this dress make me look fat?', 'yes, it highlights your chubby thighs, you'd look better in a dress that accentuates your slim waist'. One thing I never have to worry about is my husband lying to me. If he tells me I look beautiful, I can trust that he is not telling me what I want to hear, but his honest opinion. His compliments mean the world to me, and so do his criticisms, because he wouldn't say something unless that was his honest to God opinion.
After being married for 7 years we have seen the best and worst of each other. Marriage is an interesting ride, and I’m so glad I get to ride through it all with such an interesting and quirky guy. What have your experiences with marriage been? Do you know an asbie, what are their funny or admirable quirks?