She started a couple months ago and was a customer before getting hired on.
Only five minutes into her first day and she had me, her smile, her laugh, her energy... Her presence gave off this kind of warmth... Kind of like the morning sun, no.. exactly like the morning sun. When I see her it's like the fog that made up most of my life gets burned off and the chill fades away.. I was out recently walking, hearing the fireworks go off and I spotted a couple and thought, sure.. those are certainly colorful and beautiful but I get to see some thing more so almost every day at work.. it also made me wonder if people spend too much time looking up at explosions and less time at those next to them.
For months I held it in, it really changed not only my mood at work but the work itself, even a few customers that come around often asked me what was wrong.. So eventually I broke, I told her.. well, I tried to tell her... some stupid pimple faced kid came out of me instead, all the words in my head I wanted to say came out stupid and wrong... Instead of some thing sweat and smooth I stuttered and floundered. I know I managed to get my feelings out but at what cost? It feels like the sun has set, the fog is rolling back in and that chill... that chill is growing colder now. I no longer know how to approach her, to talk to her.. she talks to me but not like before, it's all work.. she laughs, hugs people hello and good bye, while I'm left to the side. I'm told to give it time but I feel like if I don't say the words I meant to say that it'll be too late.