Early in my journey of faith I was filled with great uncertainty. Bible verses are quite often written in a way that can make them hard to understand because, even in English, their structure does not always coincide with the modern English structure we are used to. It leaves a hole of understanding that we are sometimes inclined to fill with our own speculations. Now of course, where there is uncertainty and speculation, Satan is there as well. Satan, as always, was determined to confuse me more than I already was, creating an internal conflict within myself. He created an insecurity in me that discouraged my faith all together, which in truth is always his goal. I was completely unsure that I was living as I was supposed to. Despite reading the instructions of Jesus and applying them daily, I was still very, very unsure. I remember in this insecurity, praying to God, asking Him to let me know if I was doing what He wanted, if I was living as He wanted. I think He answered me.
I went to Walgreen's one day, and outside of it there was a man sitting in the parking lot just outside the door. As I was walking from my car to the store I noticed someone come out and drop a handful of change into his hand. This person didn't really look at him, they also seemed reluctant to give to him. The man was happy to receive some money, but I also noticed a look of disappointment as he took inventory of what he was given. It wasn't a disappointment of greed like he hadn't gotten enough money, it was different. As I got closer he addressed me, "Could you spare some money?" I told him "Yes, but let me buy something first, I will give you something when I come out." I could tell he didn't believe me. But, I made my purchase and came out to him. I reached into my wallet to pull out some money but, before I did, I presented him a challenge. I said, "Will you do good things with this? If I give you some money, will you buy drugs? I wan't you to buy something good." He said, "No I will not buy drugs." I was debating with myself how much to give him. At first I was going to give him a few dollars, but I decided why not just give him 5 or 10 dollars, what's the big deal? I just got my paycheck. But before I could remove the money from my wallet and as soon as I had that thought of giving him more money, he quickly stood up and came close to me and began to address me. I was young at the time, so I was uncomfortable being close to someone I did not know, I became nervous. It was difficult for me to look at him, I was not really listening. Suddenly he said "Listen, pay attention closely, what I have to tell you is very important!" In way I've never experienced before, he captured my full and undivided attention. It was as if my spirit was called into attention. In fact, the world around us disappeared. I knew we were still in the parking lot but it felt like we were the only two people around for miles. It was as if we had stepped into another presence. He then reached into his pocket and said "Look! This is what I'm given, only coins. People only ever give me the change in their pocket but you, you have decided to give me more than them and without hesitation. No one gives me anything but change, but you're willing to give me real money." I was overcome by a great sorrow, thinking to myself, "How can people only give him coins? What good are coins? What will they get him? How long must he save then just for a meal?" He then said, "What you are doing is good, you are doing exactly what God wants you to do, do not ever stop." And in that instant everything was back to normal, I noticed the people around us again, the world continued to move forward. We then began talking, his name was Daniel. I found out that Daniel was once a successful business man who owned a shoe store. Unfortunately, he lost his store and everything else he had in a fire and was forced to be on the street. He told me about how he tried to seek help in shelters, but could not receive it because he didn't 'qualify'. "Qualify?" I thought, "Are there standards to homelessness?" He clearly did not want to be homeless, in fact he was clean, very smart and put together. He wanted badly to work. No one would let him though because he didn't have a place to live, but no one would give him a place to live because he wasn't coming off drugs or was an ex-prisoner (We're talking about homeless programs in the city). Sounds crazy, but it's true. I almost didn't believe it myself. How could the whole world be giving a reasonable man who needs help, no help at all? I was truly shocked.
There are three passages I want to relate this experience to:
In Hebrews, Chapter 13, Verse 1-3 it says this: "Let mutual love continue. Do not neglect hospitality, for through it some have unknowingly entertained angels. Be mindful of prisoners as if sharing their imprisonment, and of the ill-treated as of yourselves, for you also are in the body." Because we are all created though Christ and for Christ, we live in Him. What we do towards others has a direct affect on everyone in the body, in other words the people of God, which has a direct affect on Christ. That is why Jesus says in Matthew, Chapter 25, Verse 40-45: "And the king will say to them in reply, 'Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.' Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you accursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, a stranger and you gave me no welcome, naked and you gave me no clothing, ill and in prison, and you did not care for me.' Then they will answer and say, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or naked or ill or in prison, and not minister to your needs?' He will answer them, 'Amen, I say to you, what you did not do for one of these least ones, you did not do for me.' And these will go off to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life." And finally Mark, Chapter 12, Verse 41-44 (The Poor Widow's Contribution): "He sat down opposite the treasury and observed how the crowd put money into the treasury. Many rich people put in large sums. A poor widow also came and put in two small coins worth a few cents. Calling His disciples to Himself, He said to them, 'Amen, I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all the other contributors to the treasury. For they have all contributed from their surplus wealth, but she, from her poverty, has contributed all she had, her whole livelihood.'"
"Was this man an angel," I later thought to myself, "a messenger of God sent to me to answer my prayer?" As I said before, I had prayed to God to please let me know if He was pleased with my actions. I even think it might have been the night before that day. Why would this man address me in such a way? We didn't mention God before hand, he didn't know if I was Christian or not, and the way he captivated me, who was this man? I wonder if Daniel was angel because of three facts reflected in the scriptures above. First, no one would give Daniel anything more than change, which did not really help him. In theory the majority of people who live and work in my neighborhood have much more to give than most people. It's a nice neighborhood I'm from, houses are now selling upwards of 2 million dollars and a large chunk of employment there is with notorious entertainment companies and even private law and medical practices, so you know they don't pay minimum wage. In theory, people should be able to give more than a few cents. Like the rich people in the treasury, they gave, but very little in comparison to what they have. Not only that, but the little they gave was not enough to help Daniel. Second, I was overcome by Daniel's affliction and shared the pain it was causing him. I did not know him personally, yet there was a connection. As though we were part of a group, a family. Even though people gave change to Daniel, they were not providing him enough to eat or drink which made me sad. And finally, at that time I wasn't making a lot of money, I've never really had a lot of money, but out of what I had I gave him something that would allow him to buy a drink or food. Because of this he was taken up in passion to tell me that God was well pleased, just as Jesus was with the poor widow. So Daniel an angel? I don't know, but the Spirit of God was certainly among us.
Even if you give, maybe you donate to charity, it's not the action of giving alone that God holds value to. He wants you to make sure that what you give is received by someone in need. So, had I been visited by God? Was He showing me I was in fact following His instructions? Next time you're out, and you see a homeless person, I want you to introduce yourself. Tell them your name, ask them their name. You'll be amazed how happy that makes some of them, sometimes even more so than giving them. Sometimes we have to sit in their shoes for just a moment. Think about how many people probably walk past them everyday and ignore them, and even those who do acknowledge them aren't giving them enough to help them. See, it's really not about THAT you give, it's WHAT you give. Did you really provide enough to help this person? Could you have given him more? Truly, is 10 dollars really that much? Most of us make that back within two hours of work. Is two hours of your time worth more than giving someone a meal? Maybe you're uncomfortable giving because you're unsure of that persons intentions. But don't be discouraged, God knows your heart and your intentions. Maybe instead of giving money, buy food and drink and give that to them directly. Sometimes I do that too. I'll ask them what they like, if they have a favorite soda or something. We have to treat those who are considered lesser than the rest of us as we would want to be treated if we were in their situation. We are part of the same body of people, created for Jesus. The reward God gives for such selfless behavior is greater than any sum of money, but the punishment for being stubborn and insisting that giving alone makes you a good a person and will save you.. well you can see the punishment for that is very great.