It may sound paradoxical but it really isn’t. We become attached to what’s familiar to us, and if excruciating pain is part of that equation, we will stick to it regardless. Unconsciously, we repeat the same experiences, follow the same patterns over and over again, even when they hurt us to the core.
And then, interestingly, we wonder to ourselves if we even want to get rid of that all too familiar sense of despair. What would we suddenly be without the stories we have taken so much time to create in our minds? Ironically, sometimes, for the worse, we choose our misery over the unknown.
Our upbringing and how we were raised is our template on which we develop our concept of self. Most of the time (although there are no guarantees) the way we were parented plants in ourselves certain seeds that contribute to shape our future selves. And as they say, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.
Hence why without consciously being aware of it, later on in life, we may reproduce the same familiar situations we were once exposed to as a child. Maybe it comes in the form of suppressing your needs, even your whole self for that matter, as that is what you have taught yourself to do ever since you realized as a child that you had no healthy forum to express your emotions. Sadly enough, you unconsciously find yourself attracted to people or situations that trigger the most wounded parts of your soul.
We know, on some level, that this very thing or person or situation is the source of our pain. Yet we can’t help going back to it. Why leave the familiar? Is there such a thing as an adrenaline rush to seek for what is bad for us? Is pain the only way by which we have allowed ourselves to feel?
The good news is that self-awareness can make you become cognizant of these very mechanisms that are poisoning and damaging your life. No matter what it is that you were taught to think, feel or believe, with enough persistence, you can change. Even the most entrenched patterns, you can gradually unlearn.
While we may never get rid of the memories attached to the horrific experiences we have been through, there are ways to heal from them and move forward on our journey of life. Self-flagellation has never done us good up to this point.
Self-compassion is a gift that we can give to ourselves in order to succeed better in all of our future endeavors.
While you can’t change what your eyes see every day, you can change the lens through which they see what they do. Give yourself permission to heal your heart and remember that just as you are now in this season of life, you are worthy of love and kindness toward yourself.