" Trouble looms when monogamy is no longer a free expression of loyalty but a form of enforced compliance. "
― Esther Perel
Is my blog slowly becoming an open sex conversation? Don’t ya worry! You take inspiration where it strikes, right?
So we’ve been granted the chance to go to the amusement park. The only condition we must follow is to stick to one ride and one only. Day after day, week after week, year after year, decade after decade (if we make it that far), we keep on riding the same old rollercoaster. And for some, seeing the other rides around screams temptation and the desire to break the rule we’ve agreed to commit to.
Contrary to popular belief, cheating happens in good relationships equally as it happens in relationships that were already headed south. Every infidelity is a unique case. While we look upon cheating as one of the worst forms of betrayal, the stats indicate that in every marriage, the odds that there’s some sort of infidelity at some point are between 40 and 60%. Either we don't follow what we preach, or either we're big fat liars. Either way, we suck.
I’m not suggesting here that we must embrace this reality, but rather that we should create an open dialogue around the topic of cheating, rather than keeping it secretly hidden under the rug. Who knows, maybe if cheating wasn’t looked upon as such a deadly infraction, maybe less people would choose to engage in it. (Food for thought – don’t come at me 😉 )
While different reasons ultimately lead to infidelity – the common ground to such a type of betrayal is the agonizing pain it brings upon the party that gets cheated on. Despite the excruciating pain that it can bring, I’m nonetheless a believer that healing is a possibility for those who have stepped on the fragile terrain of infidelity – as long as both parties are willing to work at it with proper guidance and therapy.
There’s no other way around it - today, the stakes are higher than ever. Never before in the history of mankind has it been easier to look away. As corny as it may sound, straying is now only a device away. And you know that when we’re left to our own devices, we usually don’t do too well;)
Human beings are wired to want contradicting things. We want novelty, yet we crave security. We long for mystery, yet we find comfort in familiarity. We want stability, yet enough freedom to do as we wish when we wish it. In a culture where swiping fatigue is the new normal and sex is a disposable thing, we feel compelled to keep as many options as open for as long as humanely possible. Commitment has lost its value because we value our own little self-interest above it all.
The moment one’s needs aren’t being met - the urge to look elsewhere for them to be fulfilled is enticing. After all, we are worthy of it all, right? We may have vowed to commit to one another ”Till death do us part” but what we really meant was more a version of “Till boredom does us part.” Or perhaps “Till emotional disconnection does us part.” How about “Till my coworker does us part”? Could work too you know...