I tried my hardest to be strong but I'm having a hard time.
It's no surprise that life isn't all rainbows and blowjobs but man sometimes life really sucks.. I hate to be a negative Nancy but this is just not my week. It's been one thing after the next thats seeming to go wrong and I just can't seem to catch a break.
I just feel lonely and I really hope things start looking up soon.
I'm not as weak as I feel. I can push through this as hard as it may feel.
I've struggled with anxiety and minor depression for quite sometime and I know that It might not seem like it but trust me I've had my trials and tribulations. About two months ago while I was jobless and really feeling down in the dumps, I was advised by my doctor to go on a small dose of Zoloft. Why I took this advise, I don't know.
What a terrible idea that was.. My body and mind was not happy with this decision.
To make a long story short, I stopped working out, started smoking, gained weight, lost my sex drive and pretty much experienced all the bad side effects you hear about from these drugs. I am very sensitive to what I put in my body but these side effects were very real and unpleasant. The worst part was, that I just felt so far from the guy I know I am. What a terrible feeling this really is let me tell you.
Why share about this here?
Well after all, you are my friends right? I don't come to steemit just for money or luxury. I've made some valuable friendships over the past 6 months. People I look forward to communicating with. Honestly I have a whole new purpose here and I love you guys so much. I need my friends and support now more then ever and I've already started to receive love and guidance from the ones who care about me. I need to be honest with you guys about where I'm at and as a guy with a lot of pride, this is not an easy thing to do. Just send me your love and healing vibes.
I came back to New York to be with my family in this rough time. My mom suffered some serious health problems as well as deal with he stress of my own health. My family is not dealing with all of it very well and it's a very hard time for all of us. I love my family more then anyone and we need to stay strong. I don't know what I'd do without them. My dog was diagnosed with a heart murmur that could potentially end with heart failure. I know this last one sounds silly but it was an extremely disappointing moment. I wrote a song for 
I decided to STOP taking the medication they put me on because I hated how I was feeling and for the sake of my family and myself, I deserve to be healthy again. Coming off this antidepressant has been a nightmare. I had no idea how shitty it would be to detox off of it and to make matters worse I had begun self medicating last month due to how crappy I felt on this medication. So as I sit here a write this, I feel total misery. My brain chemistry is in shambles and I just wish I was back to normal and my family was healthy again.
Is their a light at the end of the tunnel? Maybe.. But I don't feel it yet. I've never felt this much loneliness and fear. I almost can't bare it but I have to be strong and I know at some point I'll make it through this.
Please to all of my friends.. I'm so sorry for my energy recently and I will get better please just give me your love and support! I will continue to push through and be creative. To all of my friends here, thank you for your love and support! It does not go un-noticed. I love you all and please send me healing vibes <3
I'll be coming around soon. 
