went to the neurologist today. she looks at the ct scan from Saturday, and there is a 4x5 mass pushing into my spine from the left subclavial area.
well, at least we know why my arm has been hurting for a year
i have to up to temple (texas) for MRIs on Fri, and wait on a coordination with the Community office to get a biopsy scheduled with an out-of-system provider
yay VA! yay socialist and burrocrasized health provider!
the neurologist was rather annoyed with the system...she frequently asked to herself "why hasn't this been found yet?"...she isn't my primary.
To be fair, it seems like the lump didn't really pop out til about three weeks ago, and neural issues can be a bitch to diagnose.
AFter she realized I had been through the lymphoma dance before, she pretty much walked me through the lab and radiology, but the machine was down, soo...
It's gotta be cut out, cancer or not
Shit, this is going to fuck up my DEFCON trip.
Memento mori
"Remember, thou art mortal"
Just a cotton-pickin minute here. "Thou" means YOU, not ME LOL
I have been resigned to my death for a long time...pretty much you're on that path as soon as you get squirted out of the Golden Gully. I have never been a good Stoic, nor did I study it enough, it does work for some people well enough.
Been shot at, but the closet I came to dying (I mean other than cancer) was when I was lim out at the lake..I was blastin down 1431, a windy twisting hilly road with a beautiful view of the lake, in my Mustang with the top down,when I felt the wheels give coming down a descending curve. I was sure I wasn't going to get it corrected when it got under control t the last second. As I was fighting the drift, however, I remembered this Don Meredith story
As Walt Garrison told the story on Dale Hansen's Sports Special on WFAA on Sunday night, the Cowboys' charter flight after a game sometime back in the late '60s had just dropped 300 feet in a violent storm, like an elevator in free fall, and big, tough NFL football players were screaming and crying left and right.
Someone looked over at quarterback Don Meredith, who sat calmly reading a magazine, a cigarette in one hand and a scotch in the other.
"Aren't you scared?" asked the player (some say it was linebacker D.D. Lewis).
Replied Meredith, sipping his scotch, "It's been a good 'un, ain't it?"
Reminds me of a line from Clavell's Shogun
It’s only a matter of waiting beside a river long enough for the bodies of your enemies to float by, neh?
Buntaro attributed this saying to Buddha, although a little research doesn't find a specific source.
And IIRC, Buntaro said something about spitting on those heads LOL
The above saying, although one o my favorites from the book, doesn't truly apply to my situation, but the saying I was thinking of immediately brought up the river line...
For what is life to a samurai? Nothing at all. All life is suffering, neh?
Not all of it...if you know how to enjoy off-duty time ;>
I do regret not being able to complete a primary duty; OTOH, the things I didn't attempt to do were prevented by a conflict with a greater duty.
Past that my only regrets have to do with certain women.
But wait, I'm not dead yet
It's just a mass right now (Schrödinger's Tumor ROFL)
- It might not be cancer
- I might die under the surgeon's knife, but that is extremely unlikely
- Even it's cancer, I can kick it's ass again
Last time I had cancer, it took a year away, but I won.
I'd much rather not lose another year...crap, I've done nothing but lose time since October 2019.
And there is so much to do; asses to kick, women to kiss, women's asses to spank, boobies to squeeze, booze to drink, steaks to eat.
And I might even be able to finish some duties.
Anyway, if I disappear off the Hive forever, you'll know why
Now I gotta figger out who to give my stuff to, and to handle my remaining time. For example, I don't want to spend all my money carousing, but I don't want to die without one last bit of nookie. I sure as hell don't want to spend all my dinero if it turns out I'm going to live!
sorry, couldn't find the Guns and Hookers version ;>
