1. You are almost to texting her
For a lot of women, deleting his number from your phone is the best option. But you might know it by heart. Which kind of defeats the entire purpose.I mean really, how many times have you written out a long, heartfelt message – only to think about it later and decide to delete it?Or even worse… in a moment of irrationality, send it to him?If you’re still thinking about him enough to where you’re writing out messages to him and it sends jolts of excitement through you, it means you’re not over him.You’ll get over him – with time, but for the moment, you need to focus on yourself.
2. We mis-remember and romanticize
I don’t miss all my exes after a breakup. (I’ve dated plenty of dudes I set down and never look back on.) But the ones I do, I’ve totally romanticized.I only remember the good times. I remember the sort of shit I listed above — the shit that looks good on paper. I’ll remember the feeling of security and ease. Comfort and cute inside jokes.I don’t remember the loneliness. The lack of intellectual connection or care.I misremember. Because we all do. Human memory is scarily unreliable. The only way to get over this temptation is to keep yourself busy in your own life and don’t try to be where he is or be seen by him.
3. It’s easier to sink your emotions into a phantom than commit to someone in front of you.
So you hear a song on the radio that reminds you of him and tears well up in your eyes.Or you caught yourself looking at a picture of the two of you and now you can’t stop thinking about your memories with him.Or you’re at a place that reminds you of him and it breaks your heart in half.Anything to keep me from investing wholly in the one in front of me.
4. You Look At Pictures Of The Two Of You
They make you think about him, they make you talk about him, and they make you unable to let him go.Think about deleting the pictures – or at least locking them away somewhere where you can’t look at them.Every time you look at a picture of him, you’re delaying the moment when you can let him go… and you’re triggering a flood of new emotions for him that are only going to stand in your way.
5. When You See Him It Feels Good
This one is a big uh oh.Imagine a scenario in which you unexpectedly run into him, or think of what would happen if he was right in front of you right now.Does your heart start pounding? Does it feel good?Does it make you feel… happy?If it does, you probably still want his attention, and you’re probably not over him.
At the End Great relationships aren’t about finding near-perfect partners — they’re about being near-perfect partners. Which means accepting another person, flaws and all, and investing in them wholly, without carving off some of your care for “nostalgia” — or cutting either of yourselves short.