It's not my business to tell anyone else how to live their lives. When it comes to family however, it's not always that easy. I'm sure I'm not alone when I say it's hard to ignore or not to get involved when your own mother seems to get it wrong, again and again.
She married another asshole.
And yet again, it's falling apart.
For the last 15 years or so, she has been afraid of being by herself, and been drawn to people who were a bit broken. Before her premature medical retirement, she was a nurse. She also has 3 kids including myself. So I get it, maybe she puts her worth into how much she is needed. It breaks my heart as I'm not physically close enough to help, but I only wish I could say something, something that would shake her out of her intense need to be needed by someone who doesn't deserve to be taken care of.
It has escalated to violence now. I'm not sure who's in the wrong, as there are two sides to every story. But when I keep hearing stories from my sister about how my mother has been thrown out of the apartment, her asking my sister to call the cops, how she has gone crying to old friends for some respite... It makes me doubt that my mother is the bad guy here. The fact that her husband tends to go out and get drunk and look for fights supports my theory further.
She says she is fine when she is sober, but says she wants to move away when she is drunk. Is it because she wants to not be a burden or a let down that she denies what is going on? I am at a loss. I don't agree with how she lives her life, but it's not my decision to make.
I wish she would realise that her value is not confined to being needed, that she is important, that she should put herself first. I just cannot get into her brain, I can't see what she sees. She has family, she has friends, she doesn't have to fall further down the downward spiral. So why does she put being needed before being loved, safe, appreciated and accepted?
And will she snap out of it before it ruins her life forever?