This is my first official article on Steemit (apart from my introduction that is) and today I want to talk about being pregnant, the cliches that come along with it and how I feel about being pregnant.
At the moment I’m 30 weeks pregnant (and expecting a baby boy) and I’m so grateful.. According to the people around me I should enjoy it as much as I can, because this is a very special period in my life. I agree with them, it is indeed a special time in my life and I’m very well aware of that. But the ‘you should enjoy it as much as you can’ part is what’s bothering me a little bit. I’ll explain why later, but first I want to tell you a little bit about how we got up to this point.
For starters: Getting pregnant wasn’t that easy for us. After trying on our own for 6 months we came to the conclusions that the amount of periods I had was very minimal. We got a referral and saw a gynaecologist. After some tests it turned out that I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). Which basically means that I don’t ovulate as much as I should, which makes getting pregnant harder.
I ended up taking hormone pills to stimulate the growth of my eggs and therefore to increase the amount of times I ovulated. Which off course increased my chance of getting pregnant.
What followed were a lot of emotional rollercoasters with a lot of disappointments and side effects due to the pills I was taking. I’m not going to lie: it was a very difficult time and I often wondered if I was ever going to be pregnant.
The hormone pills didn’t have the results we hoped for and so they did another bunch of tests. It turned out that these specific pills had a negative effect on my endometrium. Which meant that it was that much harder for the sperm to reach my egg (weirdly enough that was one of the known side effects that came with these pills). So I started injecting another type of hormone.Which turned out to be a winner, because I got pregnant after the first round of injections. I remember the day the pregnancy test turned out to be positive. I stood there shaking like a straw, After a shitload of negative tests I couldn’t believe this one was finally positive!
And now you might think ‘well after all this trouble you’re probably walking around with your head in the clouds all day and every day because you finally are pregnant’. And yes, I am very grateful that I got pregnant and that I’m now carrying our baby boy with me.
BUT…. it’s different than what I imagined. I imagined indeed walking around with my head in the clouds all day, being totally in love with the fact that I’m pregnant. Kind of like being in a ‘hallelujah’- state of mind all the time (especially because this is my first pregnancy). During the first few weeks this indeed was the case. I was overjoyed. But as time went on this feeling faded a little bit and life as I knew it continued. I went around business as usual and had the occasional ‘wait, I’m pregnant’ moments.The feeling of being ‘with my head in the clouds’ wasn’t really there.
After 20 weeks I started feeling the little guy moving around in my uterus and with that the pregnancy became more and more real to me and my husband. Still the feeling of ‘being with my head in the clouds’ wasn’t really there. Sure, I was very happy, but I didn’t walk around being totally obsessed with my pregnancy.
Now, at 31 weeks, I am cherishing every move our son is making and I’m extremely looking forward to meeting him.
And still: something feels a little off to me. Because I am not walking around with my head in the clouds all day and I’m not a overjoyed preggo. Things I in advance thought I was going to be. And now that I don’t experience this as much as I thought I’m wondering: ‘did I expect too much?’, ‘Are those feelings overrated?’, ‘Did I really enjoy my pregnancy to the max?’, ‘How could I’ve enjoyed it more?’ and ‘Is there a “standard” of how much you should enjoy being pregnant?’. The reasons these questions pop into my head is because numerous people told me to ‘enjoy it as much as I can’ and I started question myself if I indeed did so.
It feels as if I could’ve enjoyed it more. Doesn’t the fact that I didn’t enjoy it as much as I should’ve make me ungrateful? At the same time I am wondering how I should’ve done this and if I’m not putting too much pressure on myself.
It’s as if there is a certain “standard” to enjoying your pregnancy and I wonder if I met that standard (and how bad it would be if I didn’t).
I hope my train of thought makes any sense to you… And for all the fellow moms (to be): how did you experience this during your pregnancy/pregnancies? I’m excited to know what you think and I love hearing from you.
Talk to you soon!
Shirley