This morning, I sought solace in a warm cup of dark coffee. Bitter, crisp and heavy roasted. A cogitating recipe that resurrects me every so often. Morningtide often comes accompanied by a myriad of emotions, introspections and heart-searching thoughts that keep me company. I let them creep in and watch as they sometimes turn peace into havoc. They are restless and seek explanations and clarifications and most of the time, I let them drift in or away.
Someone I knew passed away and her death took me by surprise. She died young and quite unexpectedly, leaving everybody in a state of confusion and distress. I did not know her all that well nor did I had the opportunity to do so, but the short interaction we had was auspicious. Her death felt especially tragic since she was a noticeably happy and easy going.
To me, death is still is an uneasy topic. Even hypothetical death makes me jittery. It triggers knee-jerking reactions that propel me into a loophole. As silly as it may seem, I am not yet at that point where I can simply take death as a part of life even if I acknowledge it is a universal law. The more I think about it, the more troubled I turn and the more I force myself not to dwell on it, the more I think about it. These whirlwinds of thoughts occur to me incidentally. They have sunk into my consciousness and a clear reminder that every exercise I have tried in order for me to get familiarized with the mere thought of it, have failed miserably.
In an attempt at creating a false reality, my subconscious took over last night in an attempt to comfort me. My dream played out like an eerie movie, in which she appeared in front of me. Tucked into velvet white light, she said her farewells, and just like a cool breeze that sweeps into the room, she quickly soared through the thin air.
Though one may presume and find many explanations for this type of dream, I choose to believe that it had some sort of significance that only I can truly understand at some point in life. My sheer instinctive fear of the unknown still exists, though with each dream of this nature, the fear subsides. Or hides.
In terms of death and dying, cogito ergo sum isn't always helpful.
Take care of your heart :)
