Men! Plates should be about utility. It is without a doubt that paper plates offer the most utility one could hope for in any dining situation. Yet, it is also a great truth that the female of our species seems to have an unnatural disdain for the plain old paper plate. This odd attitude was unknown to me prior to my first long term relationship. It quickly became a point of contention.
I discovered that one must not ever, even under extreme circumstances, serve the female a meal on a paper plate. This is somehow a slight against her character. On the first occurrence, it befuddled me greatly. After testing this reaction through many iterations, the mystery remains.
A second difficulty arose when, grudgingly, I attempted to bring the female her sustenance on 'real' plate, created from some ceramic process in far off China. This attempt was met with the critique that one should never use said plate as a cutting board. More than a bit sour at that reaction, I offered that in the future I wouldn't bother slicing my offering into manageable chunks. Considering that round a draw I withdrew to contemplate the situation.
After only a smattering of days in deep thought, (maybe two weeks) the female was not to be found. This, at first, confounded me greatly, for I had wished to present her with my findings. Not having the outlet of the first person, I decided to record these conclusions here for posterity.
For men, confirmed bachelors and those whose life choices include servitude to the female of our species, paper plates are an essential. This is said, not to preclude the many wonders one may find with the use of plastic, wood, or the conventional ceramic plates, but; to bring focus and purpose to the utility and simplicity of a meal without pretense. It is my assertion that men, even in this enlightened age, prefer simple fare on a simple plate. Bread, meat, cheese, and some sort of condiment - usually whatever is spied upon first opening the frig. We men are, most often, simple creatures seeking to fulfill our dietary requirements in the most economical manner possible. A sandwich! On a paper plate! No mess to deal with! I will explore in future wonderings the possibilities of some sort of paper plate indoctrination program for females. Though it will likely be lengthy, such a thing may prove useful to future generations.
Cheers.
Crabbysob