Dear Mental Illness,
Well it is not like we haven't talked in awhile. We talk continuously throughout the day in my head. We worry and over think to extremes together. We analyze the people around us and how they speak to us, and look for clues that we are not good enough. I am used to walking with you, together each step is taken. Each milestone in my life has been with you since I was very little. Through the good and the bad you have always been around, even though I don't like you. But what you need to know is that there is no "we" anymore.
It is now You and Me. We are separate beings. You live in my head, but I live in my heart, which is strong and willing to do anything it takes to not be a "we". I battle You with medications, acupuncture, pep talks, natural remedies, exercise and mindfulness. I cannot think of one thing in my life I put more effort into eluding except You. But do You know how much energy that leaves me to do everything else that other people do. Like have a relationship, family, job, hobbies, friends, dreams, goals, etc. And I know you don't care if I succeed in having any of those, trust me, I have seen You ravage each part of my life over and over. In reality they have had to come second just so that when I see them, I am at my absolute best and feel great when I see them. And while I do I hope that through all my energy I have put You in a quiet corner for just a little while so I can enjoy myself.
You do not make me who I am. Remember that. I use all my energy that I have left to make sure that You are just a part of me, but not who I am. When people look at me, they will not see You. When people talk to me they will not hear You. I have the control over that, and when I lose control and You take it from me, I am ready to battle and give everything it takes to get it back. I know that I am never going to be without You. I have accepted that. But I have accepted that I have the will to do better, and all I can do is make sure that when You win the battles, I win the wars.
Love, T.
FOLLLOW - COMMENT - UPVOTE - RESTEEM