All the time I was proud to be smart guy. In reality though I have let my decisions be made by other people just to avoid responsibility. I did not trust the media, but still I behaved like I know the world, even though all I knew about it were people discussing stuff on youtube, rumors and TV. The most important thing to me was finding a girl I can be with and while I had countless opportunities I preferred to burrow myself in front of my PC. I never helped anyone, but always cried for help myself. I was offered helped a lot, but I either rejected it or was ungrateful. I am 33 years old and all I ever had was a lot of potential and I feel like even that is fading away.
Talking about politics was silly of me. My left bias comes from a history teacher I hated. I was literally brainwashed into a leftist believe system, while I always thought of myself as the smartest/coolest/best looking which is pretty obviously a contradiction. And yes, I had a rough childhood, much tougher then what I thought for most of my life. Still this is no excuse to wander around aimless and run in fear whenever I have to fight, show my love or take responsibility.