Do you really believe healthy men find such a kind of monstrum attractive? Those kind of women are prone to be lonely and eventually unhappy. I do not believe that for most of the women such an idol you create is close to women's nature. There might be one in a thousand who has got that mind set. Sorry you have lost youself in a modern illusion. I would advise you to make contact to your feminine side - you are young and probably searching for your identity . you will find it inside your heart, not in your mind...