Woke up not feeling the best but I don't like my dog to not get at least one outing a day that makes him happy so I battled through and even though everything went black for a few seconds after I was bending down to pull my dogs hair up so he can see properly, I figured it was a short stroll so I would be fine.
But then I got to the pharmacy and was feeling quite light headed so I asked Rober if he would mind checking my blood pressure which he did and he got that look on his face where he always says "no I don't like those numbers, I don't like those numbers at all" and it is not just that my blood pressure is quite low but the diastolic and systolic numbers are too close together which indicates my heart is having an issue.
I feel very bad for Rober because he loves me and worries about me but I have been dealing with my heart issue for 23 years now it really doesn't worry me very much because at least with my heart I will go to Heaven quickly and won't really know what is happening. I was assured of this by one of the top cardiologists at Stanford University who told me not to worry because I would just pass out and die and wouldn't feel a thing. He didn't exactly have the best bed side manner but then again he deals in life and very quick death so I don't think empathy is a job requirement for this specialty.
Really the only thing that worried me after he told me that...was going to sleep.
Then I would think maybe I will just close my eyes and not wake up again which makes closing your eyes a very hard thing to do, no matter how exhausted you are. But then Robert who was only 6 at the time would curl himself up in my arms to go to sleep like he did every night and then I was able to sleep because I just figured there would be no way God would let me die with my baby in my arms so it always comforted me and made me feel much better. From that point on with another 4 children I had after that I always had at least two sleeping with me and it just always did make me feel like it was somewhat safe for me to go to sleep.
Every morning when I wake up for the last 23 years is always a pleasant surprise and I am pretty certain has made me view life and death quite differently than most people who just assume they have forever to live and get things done and do the things they want to do. That is why I refer to myself as a 50/50 because those are pretty much the odds I get another day or another minute for that matter so I really do try my best to be good, kind and respectful and have as much love in my heart as possible for when God does call me home to be with Him.
The way I see it, it is a very good idea to always have your spiritual suitcase packed with as much love and good energy you can because it is the only thing you get to take with you when this earthly gig is up and we are sent off on our next cosmic adventure.
And I know quite a few people who are waiting for me up there in Heaven including my beloved father so it will be a massive home coming of sorts and probably some kind of really awesome party so I am very good with all of this. I have just asked God to please let me outlive Laz because he would be just utterly heartbroken if anything happened to me and I don't want my dog to ever know a single moment of unhappiness in his life which is why his well being and happiness is pretty much my sole mission in life.
Rober and Traze have graciously agreed to be Laz's legal guardian if anything does happen to me while I am out wandering around with him and I have strict instructions I carry with me at all times that says he is not to be separated from his handler, which is of course me, if I am found unresponsive because I want him there with me if I wake up again and well if I have left and gone to Heaven he is to be taken to Rober and Traze and they will make sure he is fine until Reid can come and get him. I actually think I am going to live to be 97 but in situations like this where my dog's needs have to be taken into consideration it is good to be very prepared.
It certainly didn't help that when I stepped outside for our afternoon stroll I was immediately met with the very strong smell of not only smoke but actual smell of burning wood and the massive fires that are overtaking British Columbia has sent a huge smoke and soot cloud over Edmonton so it was only a few minutes before I was feeling like I was unable to breathe.
But it is only just a short walk to Rober at the pharmacy and I really did need to get my blood pressure checked so we braved the smoke and headed off.
Rober wanted me to go straight home and have something salty to try and bring my blood pressure up a bit and I fully intended to do exactly that but then I got distracted by this really nice woman Janice who just fell in love with Laz and then when she told me she was just coming back from physiotherapy and I really have been meaning to find a new physiotherapist and it was just mere walking distance away...I sort of went there first and actually forgot I was supposed to eat something with salt.
I now have a new physiotherapist though and an appointment for Monday that I am really looking forward to.
So then I remembered I was supposed to go straight home but then once again I managed to get VERY distracted this time by these two lovely young people who were just honestly mad interesting to talk to and Kelsey had cute little purple pig tails and just stunning eyes and had a very interesting life of traveling with a ballet company and she is in charge of all of the lighting for the shows. I mean just sitting there on the corner by my apartment such interesting people I kind of forgot the time and just got to know them for a bit. Jacob was adorable with his mohawk and snazzy way of dressing and was a rep for a family owned beer company right here in Edmonton.
This guy is like hitting the jackpot of who you want to hang out with in this city because he knows everywhere and everyone so we are going to get together and go for a pint or two at this Irish pub on 124th Street and I can't wait for that fun experience and a pint of beer sounds rather good right about now.
Then D, which is short for Deidre wandered over and she and Laz love each other so she sat down and he got a nice pet while she visited with us for awhile too. She had to leave to go and shave her husband who had a stroke 3 years ago and lives in the senior residence right up the street where Laz has been qualified as a pet therapy dog and where we will be volunteering a lot in September especially now since I thank God passed my police background search.
So then everyone had to go and I suddenly remembered about the salt I was supposed to have gone directly home to have probably a good 3 hours before, when I stood up too quickly and it was lights out for a minute. Thankfully my dog was right beside me and I was able to steady myself against him and not hit the deck. I just hate doing that to people and it has happened so many times I really am so grateful when it doesn't.
We finally wandered home, I ate something with a lot of salt in it and chugged back a big glass of distilled water with magnesium in it because it makes the water taste better and at this moment I would say I am on the 50/50 side of keeping a close eye on things but should be okay.