Image Source: Mark Manson's Website
Introduction
Recently I joined an online reading group.
I think this is a great way to get more out of your reading as well as finding new books you might not otherwise read.
This is how I found "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" by Mark Manson.
Ordinarily the title alone would put me off as a kind of attempt at literary clickbait.
That would have been a shame as this book was a big surprise and well worth the read.
It is rare for me to read a book and feel compelled to write a review of it.
My Review
There are many self-help books making all sorts of promises about changing your life.
Most of them appear to have been written by self appointed new-age gurus who spout re-spun eastern philosophy in a way that suggests they only have the barest and most superficial understanding of the subject.
This book is different.
Unlike those "gurus" Manson does not try to present himself as some kind of messianic figure who knows the solution to everything.
-Far from it.
Indeed one of the central points is that he is absolutely not perfect.
Manson is quite open on how he previously swallowed the modern "Cool-Aid" about what is supposed to bring value to our lives.
He learned for himself, as some of us eventually do, that much of this is based on lies, misunderstandings and flawed thinking.
The "not giving a f*ck" in the title refers to all the things that we are indoctrinated into caring about but we really shouldn't because they are empty.
This includes the idea that one must always seek pleasure in every aspect of life - a kind of hedonistic absolutism.
This is one of the strange underlying themes of modern society and also the self help movement.
"Do this" and you will have more money, more things, more sex, more drugs, more status.
Tied to this idea is the belief that somehow by having more of everything - fundamentally pursuing more external pleasures - we will somehow reach a contented "problem-free state".
In many cases they are simply selling you what you want to hear (or at least what you think you want to hear).
Manson points out why this doesn't work using his own personal experiences and some famous (and not so famous) examples.
One major problem he highlights is that constantly seeking external pleasures is a never-ending pursuit.
If pleasure is the sole purpose of your existence you will never be satisfied.
Pleasure on it's own is rarely ultimately satisfying, neither is it healthy. It just breeds a desire for more pleasure. This is called the "hedonic treadmill".
When viewed in an evolutionary perspective, pleasure exists as a means to keep us alive. It is a reward that comes at the end of pain and of struggle.
It exists so that we achieve things in our lives (and also stay alive). On it's own it is meaningless and empty leading to addiction.
From my own personal experiences with food and alcohol - I know how true this is.
Further, in my own professional life as a doctor, I have seen this play out multiple times in my patients too.
That is why addiction, be it for drugs, shopping, sex, gambling or whatever is so damaging.
It cuts out the pain and the struggle to get straight to pleasure.
Without the work the pleasure has no meaning, no context - there is no achievement.
This is not just based on personal anecdote though.
Much of what Manson is putting forth in this book is confirmed by modern neuroscience and psychological research.
Manson's great skill here is his ability to put forth concepts which might otherwise be quite dull into a form that is easily digestible.
I have read some rather sneering views of this book from people who seem to be taking offence that this book is providing psychological (and in some respects philosophical ideas) in a way that is insufficiently wordy or difficult to understand.
There seems to be a distinct degree of condescension in their criticism.
It is as if they are expecting this book to provide them with a university level thesis or they will not be satisfied.
I feel that these people may be unknowingly revealing their own insecurities.
Perhaps they are afraid that if they like something written in such a "mainstream" and easily accessible way they will lose their "intellectual" sheen.
Maybe they just define themselves as being contrarians and take a dim view of any book that might be deemed too "popular".
Either way they are trapped into giving too much of a "f*ck" about what other people think and likely don't even realise it.
By doing so they have completely missed the point of the book.
It is ironic that the message in this case is falling on "deaf ears" which are simultaneously illustrating one of the very points Manson is describing.
I read a lot of non fiction books and few are as enjoyable to read as this one.
If you think you already "know it all" - you will probably not enjoy this book.
You are either at the wrong stage of your life to understand it or worse still are of the mindset that will never get it.
Maybe you are the first person in history who is truly infallible and omniscient.
Or maybe you just need to believe that because you give too many f*cks about things which are not important.
Favourite Quotes
There are so many great quotes it hard to choose just a few. I suspect everyone will have different ones that really appeal to them. Here are some of mine:
On the perception of problems and avoiding negative experiences:
"Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience."
"Our society today, through the wonders of consumer culture and hey-look-my-life-is-cooler-than-yours social media, has bred a whole generation of people who believe that having these negative experiences—anxiety, fear, guilt, etc.—is totally not okay."
"Back in Grandpa’s day, he would feel like sh*t and think to himself, “Gee whiz, I sure do feel like a cow turd today. But hey, I guess that’s just life. Back to shovelling hay.” "
"If you find yourself consistently giving too many fcks about trivial sht that bothers you—your ex-boyfriend’s new Facebook picture, how quickly the batteries die in the TV remote, missing out on yet another two-for-one sale on hand sanitizer—chances are you don’t have much going on in your life to give a legitimate f*ck about. And that’s your real problem. Not the hand sanitizer. Not the TV remote."
"Warren Buffett’s got money problems; the drunk hobo down at Kwik-E Mart’s got money problems. Buffett’s just got better money problems than the hobo. All of life is like this."
"True happiness occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving."
On the idea that nobody should ever challenge your opinions or disagree with you:
"The more freedom we’re given to express ourselves, the more we want to be free of having to deal with anyone who may disagree with us or upset us."
"People get addicted to feeling offended all the time because it gives them a high; being self-righteous and morally superior feels good."
On the futility of waiting for motivation to strike:
"Action isn’t just the effect of motivation; it’s also the cause of it."
"If you lack the motivation to make an important change in your life, do something — anything, really — and then harness the reaction to that action as a way to begin motivating yourself. I call this the “do something” principle."
Win A Copy of the Book
I'm going to be giving away a copy of the book to one commenter (assuming it is available in your country).
In order to win you need to do the following:
- Share this post on Twitter or Facebook.
- Comment with a link to your share on other social media.
- Say why you would like to win the book - this will help me to pick a winner, beyond just making it random.
- I will choose the winner after midnight GMT on Saturday 18th of March.
- Please make sure you are able to receive the book in your country.
- I will ask the winner to DM me with further details to receive the prize.
- If you are not in a country where the book is available you can nominate another user who is to receive the prize.
Re-Steems are always appreciated (but not mandatory)!
Also let me know if you recently read a really good non fiction book that resonated with you.
Thank you for reading
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& on Twitter : Soul_Eater_43.All uncredited images are taken from my personal Thinkstock Photography account. More information can be provided on request.
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