Well, Its 8:25 p.m. in my city and I just received a message from a girl I’ve met last weekend where we agreed to go out today.
Now Im on my bed thinking if I should go to this date... I really don’t want. I don’t care about her, I’ve seen her only once and I really don’t want. Its nothing personal, its just that I don’t want to see her, and if I dig a little bit more, I don’t want to see anybody.
Of course in my head I have a natural impulse of thinking I should go out with her because I feel the “need” to have sex. But sometimes I think this impulse is just because society (my friends) pushes me to do this. That Its all about what they think about me and how they should see me. And I HATE it.
I'm 25, I live with my parents and I don’t want to see them either, I don’t feel like talking to them, I really don’t care. But again, its nothing personal. (I think) I love my parents, they’ve done so much for me. But I am not into talking to them either.
And now I start realizing that I don’t want to talk to anyone. I live in a relatively small city, In my whole country lives 3 million people, so its quite often to meet with people you know on the streets. And I don’t like when that happens. I want to be alone.
I don’t like how society is organized, how people wants to know about other peoples, and Im starting to believe that this is affecting me.
When I come home from work, I am all day at bed with my computer or watching Netflix.
Obviously sometimes I feel sad (but who doesn’t?), I feel lonely, and when I get drunk it gets really messy in my head…
The thing is that I was not always like this. People think about me as a funny/active person, with lots of energy. But the truth is im tired.
I don’t know if I will end going to this date, there’s definitely something in my head telling me not to, telling me that I should be alone, that I don’t need nobody. But what if I’m wrong?
