Human Suffering/Opportunity for Love and Growth
Human suffering is one of our greatest gifts it allows us to know love, be love, and show love. Many people have experienced tremendous adversity from great catastrophic natural disasters, terminally ill diseases, severed family ties, a loss of a loved one to a deep, intense emotional brokenness. Sometimes we can prepare for our losses, and other times life throws us unforeseen hardships. These circumstances can create a feeling of powerlessness that largely contributes to the way we perceive Human Suffering. Everyone processes harrowing devastations differently. There are some who are not equipped to endure such immense sadness they allow it to paralyze them immobilizing them spiritually and emotionally.
One of the areas of my life that I have experienced human suffering is the loss of my parents. A senseless murder took my mother, and my father unequipped to deal with life's uncertainties died along with her. Much of his unhappiness could be contributed to the fact that he suffered a grave mental disorder and a spiritual malady. It is not often that I share the specifics of their death because I am not someone who allows herself to replay this story or imagery over and over continually.
As a young girl, I would see my friends with their mother, and on some level, I felt cheated of the experience to know a mother's love. I was angry with God, and I never understood, how this could be his plan for my life. "What kind of God are you to leave me to navigate my way through this life without a family?' I had no siblings, and without a mother and father, I learned to be independent very early on.
In my early childhood I lived in foster care, and in my later childhood, I went to live with a very strict religious grandmother until I was the age of twelve. It was during this time that I would begin forming my belief systems, core values, moral compass and understanding between good and evil. My grandmother always sent me to church on Sundays, and I am so grateful she did. Attending Sunday service gave me the opportunity to learn about what was ethically and morally correct. During this time I formed a relationship with God.
My relationship with God has always been deep and meaningful. Even early on, I would spend long lengths of time talking with him and sharing my most intimate struggles. My personal spiritual experiences are nothing less than a miracle; I have felt and seen the presence of God. Not everyone shares the same spiritual ideology, and this has contributed too much divide in the world. My motive for sharing this with you is not to convert you to believe in one faith over another but to share a little of my own experience with God. Today, I am independently studying world religions, and I believe that every person deserves to experience their own truth.
I was very unhappy during the time I lived with my grandmother. She wasn't very warm or loving, but now as an adult, I have a deeper understanding that she loved very differently. She was a modest woman of limited means, traditionally domestic, very intelligent, she enjoyed reading books and worked at a phone company for a good portion of my childhood. She did the best she could with what she had.
Today I am so very grateful that I had someone to instill in me good manners and who encouraged me to exceed in school. It would be just the right amount of discipline to teach me how to align myself with my goals and execute them with focus.
My grandmother might have lacked in warmth, but she made up for it by instilling in me courage, strength, and perseverance. It was this rigid and strict environment that enabled me to set standards and learn and use discernment. Having been raised with Christian values, traditional morals and a standard of good ethics does not always mean you will stay pure, innocent and sweet. However, I do think it lays a good foundation in life because our moral compass is always being tested.
My austere grandmother and strict upbringing would work to my benefit later on in life. I was a very difficult young girl, and it would be a long journey before I would surrender to my divine destiny.
Attempting to navigate the world at a very young age alone can leave you at a higher risk for unfavorable outcomes in life. You may find yourself struggling to survive and incapable of living your full potential. It is challenging to live your full potential when you have no idea who you are and what you are capable of accomplishing. It is astonishing to see just how much of a difference mentorship/guidance can make. Having someone on your team to help you grow through your failures and acknowledge your accomplishments can make a huge difference.
Every young girl and young adult woman can benefit from having more support and love. Having someone to hold up the mirror and challenge you in perspective shifting provides a higher probability of success. Without mentorship/guidance, young women may inevitably be lead to experience a harsh existence of an internal conflict, a deep brokenness and a demoralization of the soul.
This was my story. I was so busy surviving; I wasn't giving myself the opportunity to thrive in life. People who could positively impact my life weren’t surrounding me because I was not placing myself in nurturing environments. I did not have anyone who genuinely wanted to see me grow and soar. I made choices that in hindsight I wish I could have protected myself from making.
You may find yourself with people who are just as lost as you are on their own journey through life. "We attract as healthy as we are" and "you are as good as the company that you keep" are two sayings that in my opinion reign true. I made some compromises. I took some chances that I am lucky to have lived through, spent a little too much time with people that did not serve me, did things that did not serve me, and held onto feelings that did not serve me. It wasn't until much later in life that I experienced the beautiful art of letting it all go.
To surrender and to release are two of the most romantic, poetic, and simple graces you can give yourself. Yet, the most profound experiences I have ever felt. Letting go is an action that has three steps: 1.) Acceptance (surrender: this is what it is) 2.) Forgiving (yourself and others) and 3.) Releasing. (freedom from resistance) You deserve to allow yourself the grace of letting go.
If you are walking in misery, plagued with depression, constantly looking in the rear view mirror, focusing on the tragedy of childhood, standing in helplessness with No desire to change and grow, I got no time for that!
Being independent at a young age has benefited me in the areas of relentless determination and courage so powerful that perseverance is second nature. Having lived a life as a wandering child nomad, in foster care, abuse shelters, a ward of the court and in states custody statistically, says the odds are against me. When we have no one on our side rooting for us, we have to find the dedication, drive, and determination within ourselves to want to excel and be better. It requires self- discipline and praising our own victories.
It is important to remember not everyone will join us on our walk towards greatness. We have to let go of the people who weigh us down particularly individuals with a victim mentality. The victim mentality is the least appealing characteristic I find in people. It is natural to want to reach out our hand when someone is hurting and show them love and support, but I think it is important to remember some of these people are in a state of "woes me" and "I am powerless." They sometimes share specifics of the past over and over, always telling war stories and how things “use to be.” Living in the past does not serve you. Get present and be ready for a spiritual evolution and conscious revolution. We can grow. We can heal. We can change.
There is beauty in transformation in walking into the Divine Child within you that God created you to be. A recollection of the past can benefit us in two areas. The first is remembering fond memories of people whom we love, those life long bonds and meaningful, loving relationships. The second is learning from the mistakes we have made and to use those experiences of (human suffering) as an opportunity for love and growth. In France, they believe that there are no such things as a mistake instead they view it as an “opportunity to learn.” We don’t make mistakes during our lifetime, we create opportunities for learning, growing and evolving. We don't have "bad days" we have "character building moments." Those moments will pass, but it is the paradigm shift we have internally that is long- lasting.
People sharing their painful memories and constantly in a state of powerlessness will weigh you down. There is a time in place for confiding trauma, and you prepare for that time and place. You can begin with making sure you are confident in your own walk.
Someone who just unloads all their problems of the world on you may feel better after, but think about how it might affect you. We have to keep our well full. "We can not drink from an empty well." Sometimes people are unaware that their painful memories can negatively impact people on an emotional level.
I am not referring to people who genuinely need the love and support of friends, family, and professionals. There are appropriate times to share intimate, painful memories. We all have a story. It isn’t the story that matters it is what we do in spite of the story. Dwelling on painful memories of the past and replaying the woulda, shoulda, and coulda does not serve us.
I have never been a big fan of psychoanalytical therapy. Re-living and replaying memories like childhood trauma can be harmful to the spirit. Acceptance isn't always easy, and it may take awhile but the heart is resilient, and people do have the ability to heal and move forward. Holding onto things can cause deep-rooted resentment fueled with bitterness and anger.
You have to minimize your time around those individuals because they will drag you down if you let them. This (the idea of supporting someone who is unable to let go and grow) doesn't mean that we are not to be compassionate, loving and supportive people when our friends are facing difficult times. This means you must learn to practice discernment and protect your energy daily. We need to be encouraged, inspired, embraced and motivated. We need to surround ourselves with people who uplift our spirits, ignite our passions and support our dreams.
There may be a significant amount of individuals in your life that will genuinely not be happy for your success; they may minimize your accomplishments, or envy you and not acknowledge your accomplishments at all. Don't let this stop you or allow it to somehow determine your worth. "You are an anointed, divine, beloved "Child of the Most Highest God" born for greatness!" You keep on going down the path of greatness and one day that greatness will be your contribution to the world. You will be in a position to be there for someone else and leave a "legacy of love."
Some people have the delusion that, by you being brilliant, filled with an abundance of light and love, somehow dims their own light. Those are the people you have to let go. I like to call those people the vaper souls because they can vape out your light and literally suck the happiness right out of you, if you let them. No drama, no bad vibes and no lives settling for mediocrity are my creeds. Although this hasn't always been my story, there were times I was living a life that was completely and totally incongruent with who I wanted to aspire to be, but I had no idea how to change directions.
The friends I had chosen for myself were not living their full potential, and neither was I. I found myself desperate for love, engulfed in fear, guilt ridden in shame and couldn't find joy and pleasure in things that made most people happy. There have been times in my life when I have stood in the grips of loneliness and allowed the bitterness of not having a mother or a father break my spirit. If you are someone who grew up in foster care or lost your parents very young, or you are an orphan, you can probably relate to this...
"You have to learn to be your own mother."
"Love yourself as if you were your own child." Sometimes you don't learn how to do this until you’re much older and forced to because carrying the burden of this type of human suffering can be overwhelming. These conditions can harden your soul, or they can give you so much courage and strength that you will be able to preserve in the most difficult of times. Just know the heart is resilient, and you can either allow the human condition of suffering to break you, or you can allow it to teach you, teach you powerful lessons in self-love that you can grow from. Lessons that will equip you with the ability to give yourself and others the grace to learn, love and grow. Life is temporary, and it is fragile we are not here for very long so allow yourself the opportunity to let things go that do not serve you. Surround yourself with people and things that feed the human spirit.
It does not serve us to continue to dwell on things that are not in our control, things, and circumstances that we have not the power to change. The only power I truly have is the power of perception. The power to change how I view human suffering. Today I will choose to see my human condition of suffering as an opportunity for love and growth.
We are all on this earth together doing the best we can do. We are all going to experience disappointment, failure, and loss. We will be let down by people we love and admire and visa verse. It isn't always intentional, we are humans, and we all make mistakes. (opportunities for growing and learning) You will fail someone you love, and someone you love will fail you. There is only one entity that will never fail us.
I attended my maternal grandmother's funeral some years back, and an old friend of my mother's who knew her quite well shared with me that her favorite shampoo was Strawberry. This was a significant piece of information since I rarely hear stories of her.
Some time had passed, and I thought of that conversation. I went to the store, and I bought a bottle of strawberry shampoo. I returned home to wash my hair. After my hair had dried I brushed it and would wrap a strand around my finger placing it under my nose; I would take a deep breath and inhale. It was somehow comforting to smell my hair with the scent of strawberries. Looking back, I wasn't sad by this experience I was comforted. I felt a sense of peace and my spirit was free from the infliction of grief or the burden of sorrow.
Today I have a better understanding of the human condition of suffering. Suffering isn't a condition at all; it is a "choice" a "mindset." We will all experience struggles in life and the feelings that accompany those struggles; feelings of pain, grief, and sorrow. It is okay to have brief moments of melancholy there is romance in sadness, but we don't have to allow it to consume us. We can channel our painful experiences in a direction that will allow our hearts to heal and create an opportunity for love and growth.