“When you grow up, you lose people.
That is the part of growing up
I have lost friends too.
But not everyone is meant to stay forever in life.”
This was a snippet of a conversation I had with a good friend of mine some time ago. Forever, a surety promised by people so easily more often than not. We know scarce about the future, and yet we offer a certain sense of certainty when this “Forever” comes into play.
As I sit here mulling over my life, I ponder upon the forevers’ I promised to people and which were promised to me.
“We will be together forever.”
“Nothing is going to break this friendship.”
“Friends forever.”
I remember the time I was six. I hated getting up so early going to school. During the first hour, I so awaited the recess to happen. Occasionally, the naughtiest brat in my class used to get scolded really bad, and all the rest would burst out with laughter. We dreaded some particular teachers and our Princi especially.
I remember when I was in class 5, I got the chance to lead the marching of our class on the Annual Sports Day. We used to go bonkers about the athletic events and thought we were the best of them all until we saw our seniors race. I remember that one marathon which got everyone talking, for it was a close competition, and an event full on the adrenaline drive. Those cycle rides all around the colony, and the burst of laughter over small things.
I remember the time in class 8, when I found this new attraction to one particular girl. I used to think about her all the time, envision a small little world of our own. I remember asking her out in the most childish manner possible. I remember being with her, the feeling that she indeed was the one. I remember the forever I wanted with her by my side.
I remember failing in a subject for the first time. I remember those scolding I used to get from my parents and teachers for being so careless in everything I did. I remember fighting with my friends, being alone and dejected even when I was right. I remember being at my worst possible state, the cause being bad grades and disappointing my parents.
I remember that when I was very small, a dog chased and bit me on my knee. I cried so much that I made a havoc in my building. The neighbors came in to calm me down. I remember the people who tolerated my hysterical cries. I remember how they offered me candies and chips to cheer me up.
I remember the pressure of class 10. It was an eventful year, where everyone stressed the fact that 10th grade is very important, and that it would be replacing our birth certificates. I remember doing tuition classes to cope up for my grade. The group of friends which were mutual in school and the tuition center had an amazing time, only to end up with silly fights. I remember becoming a nerd only to see those smiling faces of my parents and gaining respect in my class. I remember scoring a good grade and yet not gaining any respect as a person.
I remember the last two years of my school so well. I cherish it, for it taught me a lot of things. All of a sudden, we had grown up. A couple years away from college, we had to be ready. And that’s when we lost the innocence of the child inside each one of us. Self-assertiveness became an elixir. Everything started turning to be a mere weighing of the profit quotient. People, alas! They started changing so drastically, some for the better, while others for the worse.
I remember the farewell which our juniors had tried the best in giving us. It was a memorable day, we saying our goodbyes to people we’ve known for more than a decade now. I remember people promising that they’ll stay in touch forever, even after school has ended.
As I complete my sophomore year in college, I reminisce my past. School was such an eventful and shaping phase of my life. People made promises which circumstances wouldn’t let them adhere to. The future I had envisioned with someone came crashing on me. People who promised to stay in touch merely became contacts in our phones.
Smartphones, the goddamn evil invention of humanity. The lure of this horrible thing has devastated the way the current generation is living. I have often wondered why my childhood memories are so lucid to me, and I realize that in that phase, all we really cared about was being in the moment, not capturing it. I often have wondered why I am not really fond of my college memories, and then it struck me. The reason is, all I ever did was capture those moments in this stupid horrible device which each one of us has in his/her hand. I took the time to look back at those pictures. Sure, it brought back those memories, but the intensity and passion of the moment were seemingly lost. They prove to be anchors for memories, which cannot be cherished forever thus.
We got so busy in capturing the moments that we forgot to live them.
Now that I looked back at my school, I realize how as an individual I have grown up. I clearly remember thinking that I had become mature and more realistic before joining college. I thought the same even when I was an adolescent. As I look back at these couple years, I realize how wrong I was to think that.
College, ah! Takes some time to think where to begin. The thought of it jumbles me inside my head. As I said, busy in capturing the moments so much that forgot to live the moment. I remember the first set of friends I made here, the first outing with them. The sudden rush of independence seemed so new and exciting. The first semester always seems like a golden one, doesn’t it? As the days progressed, stuff changed. Things which I could never fathom taking place did. People changed, friend circles too. After a round of group changing, a constant set of a group was formed. You know what they say about people resembling a chameleon. Ah! Haven’t I learned that the hard way! Trust, indeed seems a luxury around here. It all seems like treading on landmines.
“Forever and ever.”
I wonder where that promise went when cracks crept within friendship. Friends turn foes. People once so close to each other and seemed so inseparable now can’t stand the face of each other.
I immediately got reminded of this conversation I was having with a senior of mine. She seemed to be going through a rough patch when I asked her what was wrong.
“Nothing’s wrong. I have come to realize that when you do work sincerely and excel at it, you are bound to find people backstabbing you. People you thought never would. I am just coming to terms with it. I was just focusing on myself to overcome adversities.”
College does bring out a lot of positives too. It seriously does. You change as a person. Adapt to it, and you’ll excel for sure. That’s how it is. You start understanding how the world actually works. The experience is worth it.
I stand here, at this point in time, living a couple decades now, realizing how different I have become. I remember the child I was back home and the man I have become now. Transgressions of the past shape our actions to come. And I have realized the ultimate brutal truth out of it. I used to pry for getting away from home when in school, and now I am here, far away on my own, I find myself missing home the most. The irony of fate, ah! We never value things when we have it in possession, and we certainly do when it slips away.
Change (ironically) is the only thing constant. Each and every fricking thing is bound to change, for better or for worse. The most interesting change observed is in the people. The duality of them, ah! 7 billion people, 14 billion faces, and you cannot trust either. With my own experience, I have calmly arrived at the conclusion that the only person I can trust is myself, for the rest are bound to surprise you. There’s no such thing as forever. It’s an idiotic concept. You do not even know what is going to happen tomorrow, let alone forever.
Time changes everything. It molds us on a very minute intricate level. Think about it, what person were you a decade ago. Are you that person now? I think not.
We used to think roaming with friends was just to enjoy those moments and the happiest time of our lives’, and now all we do is click pictures and post them on various social networking sites for others to know what a good time we apparently are trying to have. Sports was playing something outdoors, not indoor video games. We used to think that without friends, it is the end of the world for us, and now, involuntarily gadgets have replaced those. For those, who think this wrong, think very thoroughly. Life without gadget seems a Herculean task now, doesn’t it? When some 5 years ago, we used to manage brilliantly without it and were happy with our lives’.
As life has taken a joyride, people have been separated. One is up north fighting the chills whilst another way down south bearing the scorch of the sun. The point is, these people made me, even though I do not have a forever with them. An individual is an embodiment of his/her past, and that’s what I am. Bits of the people I was surrounded with construe meaning to my identity. I stand here cherishing the experience, and grateful to all for making me who I am, however, liked or disliked by anyone.
And thus life goes on!
TOS
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