We are sitting at restaurant, me and you. I want to have you a wine. I am not going to ask you "Do you care for some wine?" or "Would you like some wine?" Why not? It is so easy to say no. No, I don’t want wine. Simple as that. What I am going to ask you is "Do you want red or white wine?". I already imply you want wine no matter what you actually want. I don't give damn what you want. I care about what I want. Welcome to the guide of manipulation.
Who do you want to be?
I don't like to manipulate people, honestly. Sometimes, however, the things I do for living require me either to know that someone manipulates me or just do what I want. You want to manipulate people OK no problem from my side. We are all manipulators to some extend, but about that later. Or you just don't want to be manipulated?
Do your homework.
This is the most important thing ever. Be prepared, always be prepared, no matter what you want to achieve, be prepared. What do I mean? Well lets see what are the main three things you can influence and people respond to them:
- Hygiene;
- Dress; and
- Acting.
Hygiene
Never leave the house with messy hair. Do brush your teeth’s. Shower every morning. Do comb your hair. Keep tidy. Do you think this is not important? This is god damn everything. I see you looking like mess, I don’t care that everyone is fighting his own battle, you are no good to me. You clearly do not have your shit together. People respond to the way you look. Try to sell me something or make me believe you, when you have a bad breath. Good luck I wont even talk to you.
Dress
Do you need expensive cloths to prove a point to be interesting? Yes and no. Again do you homework, who are you going to talk with and about what? You have a client who can barely afford the help you provide and you show up in bryony and driving s-classe. You are an idiot. No show up wearing just a slightly better dress then he or she has. You want to establish dominance. You don't want to make him look like a slave. You want to talk to a CEO about your product? You want to establish his dominance and you do not want to look like a slave, just do not look better then him, because you want help now. Do you understand what I mean? The dress do a lot. Now the manipulating is done either in a style of I want something from you or I want you to do something for me. The dress is the same. The dress can help you establish the dominance, even though you are the one in control. Nevertheless, always be dressed appropriately. Do not wear old shirts, bad shoes, old trousers, or too short skirts. People judge what they see. If the only thing you can show of is that you can't even bring a cleat shirt while you talk with me, you are no use to me. If you only show your legs, I want just one thing. Do dress appropriately.
Acting
These two are the most important for the first impression now acting. She was very pretty, before she started talking. Do not talk way to much, not in the beginning. Listen to what everyone has to say. Smile. If appropriate touch the people, a pat on the back. FIRM HANDSHAKE. Now talking. Ask about the topic they are talking about, not generally, aim the question on them. "I was playing soccer when I was young" "Oh, great I like soccer but I prefer basketball" Wow, man now you are not sympathetic at all. No no. Conversation is over, who even cares what you like at this point? "I was playing soccer when I was young" "Oh really, what do you think about the last night's game? Less wrong but still bad, make them speak about themselves. "I was playing soccer when I was young" "Oh really, at what position did you play? Make them speak about what they want. Speech and you general acting is very important. Because manipulation is a lot about your speech and acting we will cover that later.
Sympathy, be sympathetic.
But how can I be sympathetic? I do not look like George Clooney. You do not have to, look back up. You need three things. Be clean and tidy. Dress correctly. Be interested in them. This is what is the root of sympathy. This is what you need to do before you even start making people do what you want to do. Once you approached someone its time to get close to them. How do you get close to someone? You make them speak about themselves. Do not speak about yourself. Here is the trick, I do not care who my cab driver is. I do not give damn. He doesn't give a damn about me, I am just a customer. Yea, but if I ask him about himself he will start talking. Do you know how many hidden speed cameras, now I know about in my city? When I need a technical inspection who do I call? When he needs some advice, who does he call? Now, I can call for another cab driver no problem, but he now thinks I am able to help him and that he made money as I have paid him for the technical revision. No I made much more savings on speed cameras, once he crashes I will be on the phone I will solve the legal issues I will give him a better price and he owes me one. Always remember this thing AS LONG AS YOU DO NOT PAY, YOU ARE THE PRODUCT. In other words if you are not paying you will pay later on and probably much more.
Ok, starting a small talk with a cab driver is easy so:
How do I start talking to strangers?
You are at some networking party, not knowing anyone. How do you approach some of them? Ok listen up.
- Get some drink, get just one drink. People drink beer? Get a beer. People drink wine? Get a wine. etc. Pick max 3 people at the party you want to get to know. Are you using your right hand? Always have the drink in left hand. ALWAYS. Why? You want to shake hands with people and you do not want you hand to be wet. Remember everything counts.
- Pick the people who are not sitting alone. You do not need that people, pick people someone is talking to. Go near to them but stay far enough so it does not look like you are listening to what they talk about, but close enough to hear what they talk about. Stay there just for a minute, stop like you got a message and you reading it, you might even take down notes that they talk about soccer, woman, religion etc. If you know anything about the topic. Follow step 3 or so again step 2.
- Get out so they don't see you coming, directly to them. Go around and pass them and if they still talk about the topic join in. Be very friendly and say, oh you talk about the last night's game. That was a great game I haven't seen a pass like that in months. Now you got the topic to talk about, so if they catch on, introduce yourself. If not just walk away and again step 2.
- Suppose you have let them speak about themselves long enough so you would know the basics. His name is Jeff, he has two kids and works in retail. Good now take their cards and leave. Either get two more contacts doing step two and step three or just leave. Get in the car or whatever you use. On the back of the card write down JEFF, A KID, RETAIL, SOCCER.
- Go to another similar party, is there anyone you know from last time? Oh Jeff, approach him and say hi Jeff, he cannot remember you but you will be like oh, hows the kid and did you see last game what bout the work in retail? You winning because you remember him know him and he cannot remember you now he you the one dominating he feels badly. You got yourself a new contact.
How do I make people want what I want?
So far we know how to be sympathetic and how to make new contacts. How do you make people do what you want? First it takes some time. Time is crucial.
If you want something be nice to the people you talk to. However, do not make it like this. Jeff, I really like your kid could you get me this thing from your shop i need it. No. People are not that stupid. It takes time, do it like with the cab driver. First do something useless for Jeff. Hey Jeff, I can't come to the game 3 days from now don't you want the tickets? Oh no man, do not pay me anything I would lose the money anyways. Yea yea, just enjoy it for myself as well. Two weeks later you meet Jeff, and you need something in connection with retail, do not ask him to do it, ask him whether he knows someone who could do it if works in retail.
The rule is do not make them feel manipulated, give it a time. Also if someone is suddenly nice to you you might be manipulated.
Another technique usually used by woman is to make you feel guilty. They cry, they will tell you its your fault, and they wont tell you what is your fault. By this they make you feel really bad, and you start offering things to make it up to them. They simply pick the best one you have offered. Thats why they are silent. They are waiting what you can come up with. This type of manipulation based on feeling is better for woman and yet man do it as well, but it does not work that much. Man should stick to elegance and power.
The rule is make them feel bad about something and wait what they will come up with.
Classic technique of given choice. Do you want tea or coffee. You want something? Make them want the same thing. Classic example. Say your boss wants you to find a new worker, buy a fleet car. Whatever. You want a certain car or a friend to have the place. How do you do it? Please buy this car, please hire my friend. No no way. You just give him three options where one is absolutely unacetable, the second one would be great but is something the person does not like or cant use and the third one is okayish. The third one is the one you want. Now you have to be able to sell it aswell. So you dont say this one is bad and this one is good. You will present it in a way he can choose one himself. As a fleet car I think the best is tesla as in the long run it will be cheaper to run etc. Even though you know that there are no tesla stations and it will be used for only state to state travels so its useless, but hey you have said a few good points. Audi A6 as a second choice it is like that and so... But you know he does not like audi. So you like BMW and you just came up with 530i a good milage, cheaper than tesla and audi. It is Representative etc. He now wants BMW.
The rule is make them chose what you want to chose. But make them feel like they are the one in power.
I know I am being manipulated, what shall i do?
1. Do something the manipulator does not expects. Say something else then what he offers. Do something no one else would do.
2. Stop his talking. "Oh, yea you can think that." "If this is your opinion..." "I won't say anything else"
3. Just say no, in a way of the end of the world no.
4. Manipulate him back, ask about his life, make him take a choice etc.