But among those I gave up, there's one I wished I had kept...
This is a letter about a love unrequited, a love that came at a terrible cost--the cost of losing a FRIEND.
Willian Butler Yeats was among the very first poets I've read. That first encounter impressed on me how, almost always, real love is unrequited, without hope, and tragic!
"thank you for telling me the truth, for giving me a response.
For a while, I thought you’d just ignore me.
That would really break me.
So, thank you...
I meant it when I said that I am ready to lose you when I decided to open up. To me, this is the end of a story—a story that changed me.
The first we met, I knew that you will be dear to me.
But you were committed and I was unlikable.
I endured but I was determined to win you.
I made sure we’d be friends,
made sure than when it comes,
I'll have the courage to woe you without feeling overly sure that you would reject me.
So, I waited…
The summer that year, I decided to lose weight.
You were always my muse.
'Twas the idea of you that kept me going.
I succeeded. So, thank you...
But I cannot just yet have you,
so I tried and failed with others
so I'd learn enough when time comes.
It was exciting and painful.
With X, I learned what not to like.
With Y, I learned not to hasten but to be patient.
With Z, I learned to be ready to be broken.
With B, I learned to break a heart.
I was learning so much,
preparing so much,
getting hurt so much,
but 'twas the idea of you that kept me going',
so I'll be ready to take that chance with you.
So again, I waited…
I waited 'til you're free.
But when that came, I wasn't free.
I was committed to B.
And I really worked hard to keep B.
She got so jealous of you, so I kept distance.
I was prepared to lose you for good.
But our differences were irreconcilable.
I was so naive, so blind, to think that I can brave our case,
'twas impossible.
So I had to end it.
It broke her.
It broke me.
But it was necessary...
Then, I saw you...
From sheer serendipity,
we were at the same place,
lonely at the same time.
I was disillusioned to think that this was my chance,
that it will be foolish not to take it.
But I learned so much now.
Now I know what to do,
what to expect,
what to hope for.
So I took the shot.
I went through hell to take that shot.
But at last, to no avail...
But it was a GOOD STORY.
My story.
Our story.
And I thank you for it...
Now,
I am ready to be a STRANGER, to lose you.
If, per chance, we’d meet again as strangers,
at a different time,
in another lifetime,
I’ll gladly take that shot over and over.
I will, at whatever cost.
That much, too much!
For now,
I bid farewell, my friend. "
_kristian
