We all know at least one person who has lost someone, whether a close family member or friend. This is usually a very hard time for that person. As outsiders, we can have different reactions to their pain. Here are some of the things you should never say to someone who just lost someone:
1. "They're in a better place"
I'm guilty of this one. Before I lost anybody dear to me, I uttered those words with the knowledge or hope that I was helping that person. Oh boy, was I wrong. If the parties involved were/are Christians, then we know that the deceased is with the Lord. I think that's where that phrase came from. The grieving person just misses him/her and don't want to hear that at that moment.
2. "This was going to happen eventually"
We all know that life ends with physical death at some point, whether the person is healthy or is battling a horrible disease. But it never makes it any easier when that does happen. So that statement can sound insensitive to someone who's grieving.
3. "How are you doing?"
Unfortunately, I'm also guilty of that one too. Well, we should already know how that person is feeling. Their world was just turned upside down. So why ask? We tend to ask that because it's such a common phrase, and we aren't too sure how to get the person to really express how s/he is truly feeling.
4. "At least you can (remarry, have another baby, adopt another mom...)"
Whether it's a loss of a spouse, child, pet, etc..., nobody is replaceable. You have cherished memories for that person and that person only. So eventually marrying someone else or having another child doesn't fix the problem.
5. Avoid or don't reach out at all
Some people feel uncomfortable because they don't know what to say. So they avoid at all cost, or they pretend nothing ever happened. Both are dead wrong. During those time, the grieving person can develop some resentment for feeling abandoned.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD
- Let the person vent if s/he decides to without interrupting,
- If you don't know what to say, either don't say anything at all, just be physical present, and/or offer to pray for comfort and peace,
- Offer to help out in anyway you can with the house, chores, kids, meals, etc...
- Still call to check up on the grieving person months after the death after everybody else will move on with their lives.