I'm a masochist. I love pain. I need it. Or well, I can do without. But my head works so much better after a good beating. It's completely Zen for two days. I can highly recommend it, haha. At least, if it's your kind of kink ;)
[Btw, I'm a sadist too. So technically I'm a switch. But for now we'll stick with the masochist me ^^]
Mind you, I'm talking about the consent kind of beating here! BDSM/kinky setting where two or more people agree to play within certain boundaries (or sometimes agree to go beyond), and know what they're doing! This is important to state.
Today I opened up to an ex-colleague about my love for pain. We had dinner and drinks, talked about all kinds of personal and emotional stuff. And even though we're just getting to know each other on a more personal level, we both feel at ease.
I think I had already told him in the past I'm kinky. And being open minded like he is, he didn't judge me at all. But I don't think we ended up having a real conversation about it either at that time.
I know I usually have a tendency to still protect people in a way of not really telling them exactly how kinky I am... And also protecting myself in the process: a lot of people judge things they're unfamiliar with and can't understand. So I guess tried to avoid the judgements by being vague about what I exactly do and like?
Today I was completely done with this XD
I'm so tired of hiding myself, who I am and what I like/love!
I can take a bullwhip and I am damn proud of it.
So I showed him this picture:
It's my back, the day after I gave a bullwhipshow at a kinky fetish party last month.
Yes was intense. Yes it off course was painful. And somehow my body is able to translate all that into feelings of eternal bliss.
It was exactly the right amount of pain and intensity I was craving for. It was delivered to me with such an amount of love and connection and care. And that makes all the difference.
It was such a magical evening/moment.
This is what I do and like. This is the reason I want to move to Berlin. This is my true passion <3
I want to be able to share this as well. Not only with my kinky friends. But also with my other friends.
It's part of me, part of my live. And I hate putting stuff in separate boxes.
I don't want to end up having only kinky friends, because I'm not able to share anything anymore with my "vanilla" friends and by but doing so alienate them from the important stuff that's happening in my life.
And these kinky events/shows are emotionally intens and therefore important to me.
It felt so so good to just be able to tell about it. It didn't feel like I was showing off, or shocking him, or telling a story, or like I had to detach myself from the story.
I, Tim, was telling him, and showing him, how much I like pain. And we ended up having a real conversation about it, with genuine questions from his side and space for me to ponder over my responses and adding a bit of humour to it as well. It felt so good to open up about this. Like I suddenly allowed a bit of sunlight to shine on this very important part of myself, that up until that moment always had to stay in the shadows.
I didn't feel ashamed, or that I should be ashamed. I could show myself and not be judged.
I felt completely free.