The earth stood still the moment I learned the news,
The room grew quiet,
My heart dropped into my stomach,
And my heart did break a thousand times over.
I could no longer hear my mother’s voice,
I felt numb, angry, depressed, sad,
I had a feeling this would come,
I had denied it to myself over and over,
I knew she was sick.
For days, I told myself I was overreacting,
Of course I would assume the worst,
I’m a nurse.
I started to run every possible if, but, and, or question in my mind.
Slowly her voice came back into tune,
My grandmother has CANCER,
How did this happen?
Why her?
Are they sure?
Such a beautiful woman, who always gives of herself and asked for nothing in return.
She has been my hero for some time,
The only grandparent I've ever had.
Not because she chose to be,
Such a tiring and incredible task to be the only grandmother for 9 grandchildren.
My father had lost his mother at 14,
His father had no interest in him or us,
and my mother’s father was nothing of a man,
someone who ruined lives.
Why her?!?
She’s always been a strong woman,
Had already faced death a few times over.
Tears, tears, and more tears.
Confusion, more anger, in disarray as I sat there wishing I could do more,
Wishing I could take her burden,
I can hear mom crying now.
I’m a blubbering mess,
Feeling useless and so far away.
I beg my mother to be strong,
“Do not let her see you cry”,
Yet here I am doing the same.
As the conversation closes,
Anxiety and panic set in,
I’ve been gone for too long,
Though she will not say it,
She wants me home….
Thank you to to my supporters and those who read what I write...It has been a trying time for me and there is still a long road ahead of me. Only time will tell what the future holds. Please keep my grandmother in your thoughts and hearts!
Much love,
Your Travel Nurse "Nursey"