Just a warning, this may be vulgar
Here is my raw point of view. I'm not saying it's right, or yours is wrong. This is just me.
One thing I have never handled well is criticism. I'm not sure where this comes from. Why I can feel the tears starting to form in my eyes the second someone has something critical to say towards me. Why DO I get so flustered, and angry, and upset over criticism that really isn't a big deal to most people?
Insinuating that I'm dumb or putting me down doesn't make me want to change or be better. You say you like who I am just the way I am, yet make all these critiques about me because you want me to be someone else. Maybe I'm not the one who should be doing self-reflection. Maybe Humans are not fucking perfect and we make fucking mistakes and don't deserve to be put down for the little things in life. Split milk is split milk, I never killed anyone. I wasn't stealing to buy drugs. Like why the fuck do people feel the need to be so damn demeaning all the time.
All I've ever wanted to do was make people happy. Maybe I am a bit of a people pleaser, and maybe it kinda stresses me the fuck out. But I have a tendency to put others feelings before my own. Which honestly sounds all selfless and shit, but it is literally one of the worst things you can do for yourself. Especially if you are pouring into people who literally drain the life out of you.
Relationships with others are a two way street and god knows Most my relationships are one-sided, with me pouring into them. What about me, what about when I need someone? What about when I feel alone and like I have nothing left to give? No one is there and I'm left to deal with it alone. There have been times in my life where I have felt that I had that one friend I could talk to. But for me, opening up is hard, and most of the bridges were burned. How do you talk to your best friend who rather spend her time on drugs than you. How do you talk to someone who used to be a close friend, but then betrayed you and rubbed it in?
SO WHY IS IT, that I DO NOT HANDLE CRITICISM?
I'm sensitive, always have been. When I was younger I was just quiet. Even now I still am. Just silent. I've been through so much traumatic shit I can't wrap my mind around it. And I'm trying. Lord knows I'm trying. But it feels like it is never good enough for people.
You may be wondering, "damn, what set her off?"
a few careless emails/messages from a few people the last couple days that were hurtful and made me feel like shit.
You never know what someone is going through. So if it doesn't NEED to be said, why say it?
You really don't know how much impact a few words can have. A few words can change everything.
yours fucking truly,
truthtalks
truthtalks
https://steemit.com/@truthtalks
January 24th, 2018