Who's holding you down? Who are you wasting your Umph on?
I see way too many people in toxic relationships. The sad thing is that people invest much time, energy, and most importantly emotion into relationships with other people who may not have the emotional capacity and empathy to appreciate it. They come up with all kinds of excuses and imaginary responsibilities to shackle themselves onto the other person and tie in a part of their self-identity with the outcome of the person. Since the other person does not have the capacity to meet their potential at this moment, you both end up being held down and resentful of one another and you keep on waiting for some magical day where the person will be different.
This is not a 90-minute movie and is this really how you want to live your life for the next 5 - 20 years?
I am a person who has said no to many of the toxic relationships in my life and upgraded the people around me to those who take ownership and solve their issues quickly, those who are solving small and big social problems, and people whose satisfaction and enjoyment of life comes radiating through their personality. I remember being on the other side and feeling trapped and that I was a victim when I could have easily opened the door and say goodbye. It was a lack of self-confidence, fear, and the disbelief that I could make it on my own without that person by my side. It feels so good to know that I have control and standards for who I bring into my life.
What narrative have you created?
Is it a family member, an old friend, a colleague, or a partner? I was guilty of and hear on a daily basis how someone cannot remove another person from his or her life because of some form of imaginary bond or responsibility to the other person. I see many people accept bad, unproductive, and ineffective behavior in an old friend which they would not accept in a stranger because "that is who they are" and "he will always be that way."
I find this tragic because I know how much the misguided person wants to help the other person and I know how much happier they would become if they let go of these self-created shackles. To protect my own energy and my love, I have to accept the misguided caring person as someone who prefers to suffer the burdens of others as opposed to living a rich and emotional bountiful life and walk away because I do not want to become like them. People are essentially playing hot potato (pass the parcel for British readers) with their emotional burden rather than doing the hard thing and dealing with it. I have to say no to playing by emotional baggage hot potato by reducing misguided caring people from my life. They are correct in that their kindness is not being reciprocated and feel trapped and resentful in that relationship and worst of all, create the same relationships with others!
Questions
What narratives have you created to accept the emotional burden of another person?
What stories are you telling yourself that justify your actions, while simultaneously feeling frustrated, resentful, neglected, and unappreciated?
Whose burden are your carrying and how long have you been carrying for?
Imagine how much more you could invest in yourself without their negativity. What would you do with this added time and mental energy?
Image Credit: https://pixabay.com/en/chess-board-game-play-lose-1742720/