Far too many of us are trying to heal backwards, working from the outside in. We think “Well if I just had the right job, the right house, right relationship, if the right person were president, if everyone would just recognize my work, if this person would leave me alone, if I could only lose ten pounds, if I could just… (insert whatever you like) then I’d be happy.”. We place so many precursors and barriers to our happiness, thinking they’re our paths to satisfaction, when, in truth, they’re the very things preventing it.
We think and indeed act like something must happen before we can enjoy our lives, something that will heal the chronic sense of littleness, inadequacy and fear that’s almost endemic to human life. This is a pernicious and ultimately deluded way of perceiving the world for a very simple reason; Entropy.
The universe is very clear on this; even if we got exactly what we wanted, -which we almost certainly will not- but even if we could, it wouldn’t last very long.
Either we lose enthusiasm for our new attainments, or they simply fade away. The pounds creep back, the new house, job, or relationship gets dull, the Porsche breaks down, and the like. Sure, you could scramble like mad to prevent such things from happening; keep the car maintained, work at your relationship, and renovate the house all you like, there’s simply no way of staving off all the troubles you’ll find in your existence (not that you shouldn’t do those things, I might mention). Life provides an inexhaustible amount of complexity for you to contend with. There’s more if it than there is you. So, sooner rather than later, something will fall through the cracks, and your perfectly manicured lawn will begin to grow weeds.
This is our hint that if there’s any joy at all to be had in life, it’s certainly not found in having things ‘go well’ for us. How do we know this? Because everyone struggles! People whose lives you might kill for are just as unhappy as you are, in their own idiosyncratic ways.
That’s the entire basis for reality TV. Someone should really start a campaign to rename it; “Watch very successful people struggle” TV, because that’s exactly why we enjoy it. We could care less if millionaires never cried, or bickered, or complained. The only thing that interests us about their lives is their misery, er- sorry, “drama”.
Here’s a wild theory. Maybe we really enjoy a good struggle, more than anything. What kind of novel or movie exists in which none of the characters ever fight or have bad days? Who would pay to see a film where the protagonist doesn’t get challenged? Challenge is an integral part of a captivating narrative. We crave seeing fictional characters combat the greatest struggles, against the worst odds, on the greatest of stages. It’s why after every action movie we leave the theatre with our blood vessels throbbing and our adrenalin rushing. Something about seeing humans (or quasi humans, or super-humans, it’s all really the same thing) face unbeatable circumstances and triumph is energizing to the human spirit. We thrive on it.
Yet in our own lives, whenever we get challenged, we change our tune. We shrink away from difficulty, and complain about the unfairness of life, and the singular nature of our own misery, as if life were conspiring particularly against us, giving us the precise hardships we hate facing the most.
But what would life be without hardship, and more specifically, conflict? Conflict is intrinsic to our existence, quite literally. If you ever get the chance, have a look at the microorganisms in your bloodstream. They aren’t all gathered around a campfire singing “Kumbaya” together. They’re tearing each other to shreds. That balance of constant warfare inside you is what keeps your body alive, for the most part.
So, consider the possibility that you don’t truly want everything you want, because it might defeat the purpose of your very existence.
Dostoyevsky once said something I really like. Actually, he said quite a few things I really like, (he was Dostoyevsky, after all) but in Notes from the Underground he wrote:
“give [man] economic prosperity, such that he should have nothing else to do but sleep, eat cakes and busy himself with the continuation of his species, and even then, out of sheer ingratitude, sheer spite, man would play you some nasty trick. He would even risk his cakes and would deliberately desire the most fatal rubbish, the most uneconomical absurdity, simply to introduce into all this positive good sense his fatal fantastic element…”
Essentially this means that if people had been given everything they wanted right from the start, the first thing that would happen is they would get bored delirious, and smash everything to pieces just so that something novel and interesting would occur.
I’m inclined to believe this, given that we humans are very fickle creatures, and, to us, a predictable game is an uninteresting one. After all, in chess, the moment it becomes apparent one person is going to mate, both players call it quits and start all over again. Why go through the motions if you already know the outcome? What fun is life if you’re in complete control?
And yet, controlling outcomes seems to be precisely the business we’ve gotten ourselves into, particularly after the scientific revolution. It’s apparent we’re trying to achieve a kind of technological omnipotence, to understand, control, and thus manipulate every variable in the known universe. Fundamentally, we do this because we want to learn how to eradicate all forms of suffering and disease. And yet, admirable as that may be, the end result of that pursuit is a world which is completely safe, predictable, and problem-free.
And we absolutely don’t want to live in a place like that, because it leaves us with nothing to do.
Here’s a quandary. What does a perfect, all-powerful, omnipresent, and all-knowing being lack?
Limitation. Perfection lacks limitation.
Superman lacked limitations. He was morally impeccable and practically invincible. There was nothing he could not do. As a result, the comic series quickly declined the 80s, when the now older fanbase began to grow weary of the iron man with a heart of gold. From his perfect hair, awesome powers, and boy scout demeanor, everyone already knew that Superman was always going to do the right thing, and always going to win.
Remember what I said about predictability? Snore.
So, it might be interesting to contemplate that your trials and limitations actually enhance your life rather than impede it. There’s no fun in being perfect. It leaves you with nowhere to go, and nothing to do. So, if you truly had all the power in the universe, to have and do exactly what you wanted at all times, you might enjoy unlimitedness at first, but eventually, what you’d really want is a challenge.
Perhaps you’d start out small, and only take very tiny risks, but you’d continually raise the stakes in increasingly intense and fascinating ways. What’s the harm? If you’re really in control, you’d be free to experience any ghastly, and even excruciating journey you liked.
That’s the adventure. A gamble with no loss. So, just for kicks, as a perfect being, you might immerse yourself in the experience of being a tiny and limited gnat, and give yourself a whole world of intricacies to navigate and contend with, and then, for the finishing touch, utterly convince yourself that the scenario you’ve created is absolutely and completely real.
Truly, if you were really the creator of the universe, your adventures might eventually lead you to very life you live today.