I remeber spending my holidays with my family every year, no matter what. My family, not my parents: I where raised by my grandma (the mother of my father) and grandpa, with the help of my uncles, who where youngsters back then. This, added to the fact that obviously my grandparents came from an strict, male chauvinist time, made my growing nothing but complicated. But I still loved crhistmas! even in those times when everything became ankward. 

A lot of things happened during a lot of crhistmas: we, a Latin American family, where able to enjoy the traditions of our country religiously, every single year: Wearing new clothes, eating the traditional dishes, drinking nog, listening to the typical Christmas music from here, putting the little figure of Jesus child in the Christmas birth... and then, opening the gifts, and playing with them in the mornings. Good times.

Actually, the recent times that got harder, the deaths of some members of the family group and I, growing up and finding my ways made us having to change the traditions. But never like this. 

Dec. 23, a few days ago: My aunt, now owner of the family house, with a growing family and always having a problem with me since I where a child, didn't allowed me to spend holidays with them. She threw me aways, and acussed me of being a thieve. All because I where in the city working, living 1 month away from them.

I didn't said anything. There have been so many problems between us that I knew it would be worthless. It was done, and I where done. As a lawyer, she is used to feel that everything she says and thinks is the only truth... and I'm tired of defending my own life, so I sleept with my grandma and ran away in the morning, on dec. 24. She asked me to spend new year's eve with her, ignoring my aunt but... I didn't felt like wanting to make all more ankward for me. Too many years of ankwarness. 

And now I'm here, in the city. With no home.

A friend of mine, the one who left me live in his house with his family while I where working, helped me out while I look for a place. In the beguining, I didn't felt sad, or angry, or anything. I just processed the whole thing, almost away from the whole reality. But, in the night, when everybody here started to set everything, I decided to not go out. It came all of a sudden and the feelings started to make me crumble, and I know to respect my own personal times. So, even when the mother of my friend came to look for me, I didn't wanted to go out. I fell asleep sobbing, letting it out and letting it go. 

I slept untill... the SISTERS of my friend, who where drinking beer and dancing in the block with a few neigthbours, came for me. It was a beer wakeup call: tickles, moving me side to side, shaking me, even yelling. one of then took me and fed me with beer like a baby, it was freaking hilarious. They scolded me for not being celebrating with them, and practically dragged me to the streets, with a bottle in my hand and freezing in the december cold. But, even in that cold and even when it wheren't the big movie-like crhistmas celebration (mostly because we are going through bad times here and a lot of people left the country) I felt warm. I left it all go, and I where ready to receive this new energy. I danced, I drank, I had a traditional dish courtesy of the mother of my friend, I laugthed... and then I went back to sleep, with some kind of good feeling in my chest. 

I always believed that Crhistmas where all about how you live it. But, I needed to live what I always knew to understand that, even in bad times, you`ll never know who's going to reming you that you gotta let it all go in crhistmas.