Good morning dear friends!
Yesterday I told you that I got intimate with 2 of my best (male) friends. I also promised to tell you about how it went, if I told them that I slept with them both. Be patient as to the latter. I'm still not "ready" to tell them.
I decided to write this follow-up post, because I realised that I didn't actually conclude yesterday's post. I mean, I started off by saying that I would explore and try to explain "why" I slept with my friends, but I didn't really answer that question. I wrote about how it made me feel "liberated" afterwards, but, of course, I didn't know beforehand that I was going to feel that way, so that wasn't why I did it.
Why did i do it then? Well... I slep with my friends, because... I could and decided to do so, despite all the reasons I could make up not to. I know this may sound slutty and some of you will judge me because I did not act as a girl's supposed to act. Well, there's the rub. Ladies, we should stop denying ourselves the pleasure of casual sex, just because what people may say or think, or because our instinct tell us no to.
Yes, I know. It is often not easy to be a woman. Especially when it comes to freely exploring our sexuality. We are faced with the expectations of our social circle and, on top of that, we are subjected to a swirl of feelings, instincts, impulses, ... none of which seem to make sense or agree with each other. The mother in us tells us to get to know a guy, to find out if he's a keeper, before having sex with him. The woman in us gets aroused by the hot stranger in the bar and fantasises about being with him. And the girl in us gets ever more confused: should we really save ourself for Mr. Right? Is it ok to have a one night-stand? What about pleasing myself? Is it ok for a girl to watch pornography?
Girls, don't get me wrong: I, too, suffer from these doubts every day. But the victory I achieved in sleeping with my friends, and that's why I share the story, is that I managed, for a while, to break free from these thoughts. For a while, I said, because, obviously, they are still there (for instance, I do wonder how people will look at me now, once they know what I've done) but they no longer control, nor restrict me. It is good to have all these doubts, thoughts and reservations. They are meant to keep us safe from harm. But we don't always have to lose ourself in them.
It is worth to take a risk and act against your instincts. Yes, that may end up badly. In my case, there was the possibility that us sleeping together would ruin our friendship. And, yes, I thought about that many times before. And, no, the fact that I decided to get intimate does not mean that I value sex above our friendship. The thing is, I didn't really 'decide'. I just freed myself from all the thoughts and voices in my head and followed my desire.
'cause ladies, there's a lot of that too, desire, but it gets suppressed by all our other feelings. We just don't get to it, because we are (often) too caught up with drowning in not knowing how to feel, what to do, who to talk to...
Today, my wish to you, is that you, too, just for a while, manage to break free from your female worries and have some authentic, genuine fun. Whatever it is.
Happy weekend!
L.
