Who is she really, that Filipino mother who's 'in' with the times, neither old-fashioned nor traditional? In these days post-feminism and post-modernism, I often wonder if the Filipino woman's view of motherhood, or herself as a mother has changed from the time of our grandparents and Jose Rizal's Maria Clara.
I don't attempt to say I know all that it means to be a modern Filipino mother, but here are my thoughts anyway, based on my experiences and from watching countless moms around me.
What makes a modern Filipino mother?
1. We are career-/business-oriented. Quite a number of us married past 25 years old, a few years beyond college and maybe have a graduate degree under our belt too. We tasted working in the field, outside the home and know what success means. We have ambitions in the workplace; we want to excel in the business. Whether you're working full time, part time, or staying at home, most Filipino moms have some side/home businesses going on - that's why Tupperware parties are still a hit, Avon is a well-known brand, and blogger-moms are a plenty. In line with this, we are financially-savvy - we know a good deal when we see one, we're not afraid to venture on a new business opportunity, or let go of a failing one. Our personal financial ambitions are not to make millions, but to provide for our family well, alongside the husband or in the absence of.
2. We value our self-worth. We take care of the way we look and carry ourselves. We take pride in our accomplishments and know how to accentuate our assets. Even when we only stay at home, we try to put on earrings and we comb our hair. Filipino women, especially, will take a shower everyday.
One of a woman's constant struggle is defining herself based on her children/family (a man typically defines himself by his job/ accomplishments). We are aware of this struggle, so we constantly find ways to be our own woman - we have hobbies; a set of friends who may or may not talk kids all day long; we find ways to improve ourselves or our craft; we are not (or try not to be) put down by put-downs. And we fight for our rights. We are not threatened or intimidated by the male species, but view them more as equal partners and co-supporters. Our sense of submission now equates to respect.
3. Family comes first. Still . Always. At the drop of a hat, we will give up everything for our family - husbands and children, parents and sibs. In spite of our climb to success, most Filipino moms will end up sacrificing our dreams for the sake of having our children nearer to us. That's why more and more career women decide to stay at home once the children come. True, because most have children at an older age, we have attained a level of success in our fields. But maybe because of that, we do not feel de-valued when we give up the career to stay home with the children. Gone are the days when the "yaya" (nanny) is the surrogate mom.
4. We educate our children well. We know what's going on in our children's schools and we actively participate in their education. From toddler to college, we enrol them in summer classes, short courses, sports, camps, VBS, etc. Sometimes, we get so overzealous about this, and become the first to be frustrated when our second grader fails to be number 1 in class, for a semester. Why? We only want them to have better opportunities than we did, and we want them ahead of the curve, as early as possible.
5. Housechores get a different take. If you're privileged to have a housekeeper, as most Filipino homes do, then the bulk of labor goes to the maid. However, unless you're absolutely clueless, you still maintain management of the home. If you don't have a maid, then this is more about you and me - we consider chores the responsibilty of everyone. The (modern) dad is very much a part of it now. Male/female boundaries to chores and tasks are almost non-existent. Both can wash the laundry and fix the plumbing. Both can do the groceries and buy a car, or even a house. We see tasks/chores based on abilities, not gender. The children see this too, and benefit from it. Most will teach their boys how to cook and sew, and their girls to hammer or use a wrench.
6. Despite all modernities, we still value the old . We keep family traditions and rituals. We ask for and expect our children to respect the elder. Our view of love, marriage and sex are still in that order. Putting our parents into a nursing home is foreign to the Filipino family. And though we think men and women are now on equal footing - whether at home, in the career, or decision-making - the modern Filipino woman's heart still craves for the romance, respect and attention that our ancestral Malays enjoyed. Meaning, flowers and a soft kiss to the hand still have the same goose-bumps effect.
The modern Filipino mother is of course, much broader and more complex than the above. We have learned a lot from the past generations, when our parents grew up in the war/martial law era and viewed life and the future differently than ours. We have gone through phases of national prosperity and economic downturns, a world at peace and yet with rumors of wars. We have had two woman presidents and know the huge difference of having a man in charge of the house. All these shape who we have become. And we love it just the way it is.