Tried to mingle with 'normalfags' around uni residence. So draining, but I really want to make love to a hottie for once (preferably virgin but at 16+ that is hard to find), and maybe even have a longterm GF for once. I actually talked with several girls this time, didn't go anywhere, but I did, that's an improvement, now I have to force myself to do it every Friday night. It's good research/practice on modern social dynamics including literal social circles, pseudo-harems, mate guarding (the guys I talked to, were doing this), humour as indicative of shared values and commonality, ect. The last time I was popular was in grade 4. This has to change if I want to find someone to reproduce with. I really want children (with a high quality mate), because I think they will be the only humans I might be able to truely love. However it's clear that the noisy chaos of first year mingling is not to my advantage, but I can't think of a better place in terms of numbers of hotties present. Whatever. The fact is I don't identify with males or females. Combined with my natural introversion, this leaves me out of society. How I was 'raised' certainly doesn't help. I have to boldly move beyond my past failures. Play the cards I was delt, and be honest with my desires, even if that means admitting I am a loser when compared to others who so easily have what I want. Also means accepting this makes me depressed and furious. VICTORY OR VALHALLA BITCHES
