Few days ago I started the story of how I met Ellie(an alias)
Empathy
It is an important trait of humanity. Those who have more, tend to be better humans.
But... can we have too much empathy?
I think so.
I sometimes get overly attached to other people's loss and it gets my mood down.
A quick example of this was actually last night.
I was with a group of newly formed friends. All of whom were solo travellers.
We were enjoying a picnic in front of the Eiffel tower late into the evening when a group of men tried to join the party. After we shooed them away, we realised one of the girls had her pouch stolen.
Inside, her phone and her passport. Luckily no money.
But situation ignited a flame in me that I could not ignore. After all my troubles in England and still dealing with the aftermath, I could really relate.
I woke up this morning feeling bad too even though there is nothing I can do now as there is no way to contact either. It did ruin a positive night.
Back to Ellie's story. Her upbringing created this sense of empathy in her that she would shed tears for strangers and animals. The emotions would be so intense it would stop her from doing anything.
Now a few days after sharing in the park, Ellie told me of a new guy she had been talking to on another platform.
They connected deeply and soon grew emotionally attached.
However, he has a whole lot of emotional baggage and other social problems he brought with him. She couldn't detach herself because he was so pitiful. The empathy was too much.
It was a whole drama.
Including other women of interest, other women just stuck in between and long distance too.
Long story short, it was not a helpful relationship for either of them and they ended it.
At this point in our friendship I really saw Ellie as someone that deserves better.
As for my dream to be a father, it also becomes my double edged sword to try to take care of people.
The story took a turn when one night I got a message that brought me chills. Stressed and heart thumping, i realised the severity of her depression.
I told her the truth.
I told her what I thought of her.
That she was an amazingly strong woman.
Though she grew up in such a disadvantaged position.
Without the bare necessities we all take for granted.
She was able to survive all these years... mostly alone.
How incredibly strong and resilient she was.
How much I respected that.
How much it rebuked and humbled my way of living.
And of course that she a friend in me.
===
Ellie isn't easily to keep in contact with.
Always changing phone numbers and deleting social platforms.
In the weeks after, I convinced her to take the next step in life. She thought about it and took the leap.
She sold all her things.
Packed her bags.
And booked a one way ticket to China.
Remember her Chinese was better than mine. China was going to give her some more opportunities and so she went. With around 2 contacts there, she went.
Wow.
It was so brave.
It was so inspiring for me.
I was happy for her.
===
In the months after I exchanged messages a few times.
Her contact kept changing and getting deleted.
She had ups and downs.
The 2nd last message I got from her was her smiling next to a camel. She said she had no friends and no job, but was trying.
She said she wouldn't disappear.
A month later she asked me where I was.
I replied I was in London.
She didn't reply.
The account is deleted again.
That was the last message we exchanged.
===
Somewhere inside I have hope that she is fighting and persevering in this harsh world.
I really wish her happiness and success.
I also hope her fighting spirit can be an inspiration for all those struggling and feeling alone.
And a lesson in appreciating life for all of us.