They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I have lived enough to know that is not always so.
The lessons from what doesn't kill you have to be positive & fully understood to make you stronger.
You have to know why it happened, how it happened and find an anchor to pull up and move on from it.
Otherwise, what doesn't kill you, can end up making you numb towards love/mean towards people/slightly not as good as you used to be.
THE FRAGILE NATURE OF THE HUMAN HEART IN LOVE -
As we grow older, the simple things of life get harder. Our willingness to forgive, to love, to be kind, to trust, to be honest, to be expressive, to be sorry, to show gratitude, to be genuinely surprised, starts to fade away.
This doesn't just happen. It takes a series of unfortunate events to occur. It takes something imminently evil to turn something good to bad.
This is how we start becoming scared of our vulnerability/our desires/the love we receive and the one we give - we want to understand it all, we want to explain it all - to be in control/to have power over them all.
But we can't. We hardly do.
We are meant to feel these things, to be prepared and be willing to take another human being and love them. In more ways, than we love ourselves, in the same ways we'd hope the beloved.
THE THINGS THAT BREAK US -
Sometimes, there are stories we tell us that never adds up. Stories of how we are never going to be good enough for anything or anyone. We play that folktale in our minds until it becomes our placebo.
It is hard to find love in this state. It is harder to find the kind of love you deserve. The only questions you have in your head are your self-criticism.
The cracks on our walls are no longer there to let the light in. They were there to seep out the last of our value and self-worth. We break ourselves in pieces more than we let others break us.
We Question Every Bit of Us - even as complete and interesting as we are.
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW -
When we lack the essence of who we are/what we stand for/the value we give/the love we need - It is easy to be defined by anything temporary/fragile/not meant for us.
When we leave ourselves bare, hoping that for us to feel happy, blessed, whole, validated, loved, someone or something outside of us to fix it - We get paranoid when it is time for them to leave.
We have lost the lines that are there to remind us that nothing lasts forever. Bad people are not the only ones who leave. Good people do too.
People come and go. That is Life.
Some will leave you in peace; one that reflects a better version of you. Some, you will need to heal from.
But maybe... Just maybe, if we don't fault ourselves as much and create excuses for bad lovers.
If we don't understand and define ourselves from who they are/what they are/what they have/our relationship with them.
We wouldn't completely lose ourselves into something - so much - that when it is time for them to leave/if we are made to spend some time away from them, we would feel out of control.