Sometimes I am a jerk. Just yesterday I was a jerk to someone I respect, because they hold a different opinion. I literally tried to punish the person for disagreeing with me. It felt totally justified in the moment. I thought about it today and realized how I had approached the situation and it wasn't a proud moment. Well, I was probably a jerk some time today also, I am just so insensitive I haven't acknowledged it yet.
I would like to filter out this behavior entirely, but it seems to ebb and flow. I do want to be blunt and direct, but I don't want to be mean and sometimes the difference is a fine line.
When I was younger I was wishy washy with my communication to the point it was often difficult to get a point across. This is why I often write in bullet points. In the corporate world where I came from nobody has time for long thoughtful communications. Make you point quickly and move on.
* using this graphic proves I am a jerk.
As my communication style has changed I've noticed that I hurt people's feelings. My only excuse is there isn't intent there. I like people, and I make it a point to find things I like in each person I deal with. However, if you ask me if a dress makes your butt look fat, and I think it does, I will tell you. Sadly, sometimes I say such things before the question was asked. I also subscribe to the "Life is hard, suck it up" mentality. Which can also be taken as cold and insensitive. So, yeah.. I'm a jerk.
Yet, I am torn. I've discovered some things I've learned because an honest person told me I was being an idiot instead of quietly listening and nodding. One of the benefits of being a jerk is I don't get my feelings hurt hardly ever. I appreciate blunt and direct people who get to the point.
I am at a point in life where I am not longer in charge of anyone. My kids are grown, my work no longer requires me to Manage or Direct. There are times when it is hard to take the Director out of me. Maybe it is time for me to work on "Not being a Jerk".
I can't decide. Maybe tomorrow.
