Many of the psychological games we use in our relationships are the result of our script of life. An emotional and behavioral pattern that we elaborated in childhood under the influence of our parents and that later accompanies us for many years.
The script of life and the psychological games in the couple are superimposed phenomena. It is these psychological games that determine how we spend our time in relationships and end up shaping the couple script.
The script of life
The script of life is a term coined by psychiatrist Eric Berne , founder of the Transactional School, and refers to the role we play in our relationship with others, as if we were acting in a play. It is a role that we develop because it has been given to us and that ends up becoming a mask that we are not aware of. In addition, many times this script of life we reinforce it with experience.
It acts as a footprint that was installed in us at an early age and that will direct our lives unless we become aware of it and work to modify it.
The script of life is established based on two elements:
The mandates:
or "curses." The prohibitions or inhibitions imposed on the child. They make reference to the denial of an activity and are projections of the fears and desires of the parents.The attributions:
they are the "labels" with which we all carry and that we have been placed as children. They are also the result of the projections of our reference figures and shape us from a very early age. They limit the child to be or do in a certain way: "you are like your father" or "you are bad, clumsy ...", "you can not trust yourself".Couple's scripts: psychological games
In adulthood, and at the time of relating to others, the script of life gives way to the script of a couple that is defined by the psychological games that the couple uses to relate to each other based on the script of each one's life.
The psychological games determine the way of living the relationship. They fill the life of the couple because it is with these games that both occupy the time they are together . They are a very destructive form of exchange. In these psychological games are given scripts of submission, dominance and isolation.
Submission script
A member of the couple exercises the role of victim and demands the other protection . If he does not receive or does not receive the protection and attention he needs from the other, that is, if the manipulation does not work, the rage attacks appear and the script of persecution and blame for his partner begins.
Dominance script
In couples who spend their time in psychological games of domination one of the two exercises a role of dominator or persecutor. It is a script based on the exercise of power and competence with the other. It does so with the purpose of imposing its values, its criteria and its opinions. This member of the couple needs to prove that he is the one who contributes and not the other.In the moments of the game in which the dominator loses, insecurity quickly appears . Hostility will show up to the point of "saving" the loss for a subsequent rematch. It is a psychological game that ends up exhausting the relationship.
This variant of the script of submission usually lasts a short time because it endangers the relationship of a couple. The script of the victim is quickly re-assumed and the cycle continues, in an escalation, giving way to an aggressiveness that is growing.
Insulation script
These couples develop the psychological game of staying distant and far from emotional commitments . They handle the indifference and the coldness until one of them needs to return to a smaller distance, which usually occurs in passionate sexual encounters, to return again to the distance with any excuse, be it a fight or a job. It's a go-and-see relationship.
Finally, note that changing these life scripts and ending psychological games in the couple is a process that goes through the recognition of the same and the express desire to change them. Otherwise, these psychological games will often lead to the breakup of the couple.