Marriage has been a big project in most cultures today, some cultures have made that difficult especially when it comes to payment of the bride price. Recently, research has shown that traditional marriage ceremonies seems to be on the declining side, Because of the endless demands made on the groom and husband to be.
These factors have been a threat, and have caused a low patronage on traditional marriages in the family. Because of this, many parents give out their daughters without seating the details of traditional obligation, or run the risk of leaving them unmarried.
Exchange of gift has been an important part of marriage rites and ceremonies in Africa, These involves the exchange of materials or money from the grooms family to the brides family, These practices are different depending on the tribe and tradition.
Before we continue, WHAT IS A BRIDE PRICE?
Bride price also known as bride wealth is a payment in the form of money,property, or other valuable asset that is made by or on behalf of the husband to the bride's family.
let's take a few tips from the bible
Exodus 22:16-17: "If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife. If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride-price for virgins."
Deuteronomy 22:28-29: "If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay her father fifty shekels[a] of silver. He must marry the young woman,for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives." You can still pay the bride price and still be denied the woman to be your wife by her father. At the same time, if the man has never slept with the woman, there should be no need to pay money for her.
Come to think of it, i'm yet to see a portion of the bible where God commanded the bride's parent to present a price. I see it as the groom's responsibility to bring whatever for the lady he wants to marry.
Bride price was about the virgins according to the Bible. (Genesis 24:52-54)
Don't get me wrong, i'm not against the fact parent's receiving gift's and other items as bride price, i'm only against the fact that some parent's now use it as a way of acquiring wealth.
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Bride price shouldn't be a payment for women, it should be seen as a way of valuing the labor of women, the effort by the family in raising the bride..
What we experience, In relation to payment of the bride price in recent times has been the opposite, practice of bride price also known as bride wealth, today is aggressively negotiated, therefore reducing ladies to mere commodities for exchange..some parents now see their daughters as a source of revenue generation.
Over the years they've been series of problems that have crept up with the institution of the bride price in some cultures, especially here in Nigeria, poorer parents have abused this act and now use it as means for attaining wealth, asking for immense sums. And this has been a problem that, if the men are not able to provide what is on the list, it often led to marriage call off or marriage abduction, in which the girl/lady is kidnapped and sometimes raped in attempt to force the parents to reduce the price and agree to the marriage to continue.
What inspired me to write this post is about a friend i met recently, she expressed her anger and frustration to me. she's about 30 years of age, but unmarried. Six different suitors she has brought home but her parent's greed had caused her delay in getting married. They insisted on a very high bride price each time a suitor called, and all the relationship got to an end when these suitors are unable to pay.
They've been more argument in favor of a high bride price, these argument has been that the intending husband still doesn't pay as much as it took the family to bring up the lady he wants to have as his wife. Some also argue that if men are allowed to marry women cheaply, They won't respect them.
Some say that the high bride price brings about respect for women and make people to see women as valuable members of the society.
The other day i once overheard my neighbour's opinion on this. He believe's on these quote ''give your daughter through the backdoor and see how she will be treated'' but i will say this is absolutely not true as there are instances like the ancient days when men did not pay a high bride price, while some the women were just given away by the parents as long as she has gotten to the age of getting married, but they still respect their wives.
What i learnt is that in the past, tradition of bride price was believed to have operated beneficially to give formal recognition to marriages and protect wives against abuse, also to stabilize the partnership and joining the two families together. What we see today is different, the practice appears to have become commercialized and have lost much its traditional value in many instances.
The tradition of bride price being so high now appear to be buying of a wife as a commodity which now result in women abuse if she does not fulfill her value.
Research has it that domestic violence, abuse of women rights, poverty among newly married couples, divorces have been found to be associated with high bride price. These have been the caused of instability of families especially the newly married couples.
Recently, social status of bride family have become deciding factors in determining bride price, a situation where the woman attains high school education or is a working class, the bride price tends to be escalated. This now makes the groom or his families to pay heavily in these circumstances.
Now most communities and ethnic groups consider their female child to be of highly value commodity, in which if invested properly can guarantee high financial or economic reward. So they now expect the groom or his family to buy the commodity at the highest price so as to ensure or gain profit. High bride price practices today has serious implication on the marital instability. This reflected in high rates of divorce, poverty among newly married syndrome, and violation of women's rights.
These makes the man to declined himself from anything that has to do with the woman's family, he will say i don't have any money to support your family anymore, because they took all the money i had for your bride price, and if the wife should want to contribute verbally on issues at home, she will be cut off by the husband, because he feel he bought her and so therefore he has all the right and authority over her.
What i'm trying to say in essence is, bride price should be kept for what it really is, an emblem of a union between two families and a gesture of appreciation, honesty and sincerity. It should not be seen as a means for parents to amass wealth.
SINGLE MEN PROTESTING OVER A HIGH BRIDE PRICE IN SOMALIA
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thank's for reading!!!!!
STAY Blessed!
Your Boy Victor
