I suppose I should start this thing off by telling you a little bit about myself. My name is Yasir, I’m 32 years old, I have been told I have a knack for writing as well as art, my greatest passions are games and music... and I’m a brony who is currently stuck in Equestria. Think you have heard this all before? Well guess again because I’m probably the only brony who isn’t thrilled to be in a world of happy ponies... FOREVER! Think of that! Would you seriously be happy to be stuck in a world like Equestria for the rest of your life?! Ugh... I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me go back to how I wound up here.
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It was just your average run of the mill night for me. I was back in the computer room just wandering around on Youtube. My parents were yelling at the top of their lungs... like they always did. I don’t think I can remember a time when they weren’t like this. They didn’t fight constantly, but it was enough to make it seem normal to me. In fact I thought that was how all parents acted towards each other until I was like five and went to a friend's house to spend the night. Fighting was very common in my family, especially at Christmas and birthdays. Things were so bad that members of the family would be shunned completely and forced to stay away with restraining orders until they apologized. Everyone except me seemed to be off their rocker in one way or another. Some would steal, others did drugs until they had little to no brains left, and a few were just born dumb. I, however, seemed to be the special case. I was unmatched when it came to intelligence. I was the only one in my family to graduate, and I graduated as valedictorian at that. I only took drugs that were prescribed for me. Stealing, along with anything else illegal was beyond me. But most importantly, I tried to be generous, forgiving, and kind whenever I could. I would draw for others and never ask for something in return (as much as my dad told me to order them to pay for my work). Right now, drawing was just a hobby that helped me cope.
I wasn’t emotional, like at all. I was more like a statue than a person at this point. In middle school I was harassed by bullies daily. Yeah, I know this also sounds familiar, but have you ever heard of a case where you had nine bullies tormenting one person at once? That was me. I don’t know why I was the primary school target. Maybe it had something to do with my size or physical appearance, or perhaps it was my intellect and way of talking. Whatever it was, it kept them coming back every day for three years straight. Halfway through the first year, my heart and mental state couldn’t take much more abuse. We tried to get things to stop by telling teachers, parents, counselors, and even the principal multiple times, but the torment didn’t stop and the ones we told just gave up, not caring. So in order to keep what sanity I had left and avoid suicide... I just cut off my ties to emotions altogether. It took about a month to complete, and by the time I was done I felt no sorrow, no anger, no pain, and no joy. I let the bullies do what they did and I would never respond. I just sat there, cold and hard as my heart grew to be. This came with it's own problems though. After being cut off from my feelings for so long, I couldn't turn them back on so to speak. Emotions became a distant memory and everything I feel to this day is numbed to the point where I would say I can't feel at all. It bugged me that I lost contact with sensations such as joy, fear, and even sadness. The only emotion I rarely felt was anger and even that was dull.
Shortly after starting my freshman year of High School, I began to feel sick. I went home every day feeling very ill. Soon my parents began to worry and I went to the doctors around town. They always said I was perfectly healthy, but we knew better than that. Eventually we went to a doctor who we had been seeing for many years. That's when he noticed my fingernails were tinted blue and rolling over at the tips. He said it was called ‘clubbing’ and it only occurred when there was a lack of oxygen in the blood stream. He recommended that we go to a special hospital in a city a few hundred miles away. When we got there, the doctors placed a device on my finger that gave a blood oxygen read out. It was remarkably low. So low that a normal person would have long since passed out. I found out that even though I didn’t pass out, I was always out of breath. Walking, standing, any movement whatsoever, it didn’t matter, I was still easily fatigued. The only thing that could help was to have me breath pure oxygen from a large canister-like tank. Weeks went by as they kept us there to perform tests. After about a month we were released with no answers to what was wrong with me. We went back and forth to the hospital for a year, taking tests of every kind, monitoring every inch of me for some clue on my strange illness. My symptoms and medical statistics were shown to doctors from not just around the nation, but around the world! Still we found nothing that helped.
Years passed and I learned to cope. I did my schooling from home with the help of an amazing teacher. Eventually I graduated and began to feel like I was on my way to achieving my life goal. I was (and still am) focused on being a video game designer. I wish to make games that not only give people the happiness that I felt in my youth, but I also want people from around the world to become closer and more friendly towards one another by playing side by side. Basically I want to cause world peace by making games. Yes, it’s a silly idea, but it’s my silly idea. Because of the fighting I have seen in my life, I want it to end. I’m tired of pointless hate and rage. In these recent years I think it has gotten even worse.
One thing that I have come across that gives me a bit of hope though is the show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I first heard of it a year ago from one of my two friends. I wasn’t paying attention at the time and only heard ‘My Little Pony’, so I asked what he said. He told me to forget about it like I was in danger. About two months went by and I couldn’t get it out of my head. I kept asking myself ‘what is so bad about it? Is there something wrong with the show? Is it morbid and violent?’. I couldn’t take it anymore so I decided to go on Youtube to check it out. After watching the first two episodes I wasn’t satisfied and believed that I just didn’t get to the ‘bad part’ yet. Soon after I was halfway through season one, I started to relax and enjoy the innocent cartoon. It wasn’t long before I had watched the entirety of what was out and realized that my friend didn’t want me to stay away because it was bad... he wanted me to stay away because it was so good it was addicting! For a while I was ashamed of liking it, but after a while I just gave up and admitted I was a brony to everyone I knew... even my dad, who didn’t react strongly one way or another. Eventually I made my own character and a fanfic to go with him, not to mention a crapload of artwork. I went by the user name ‘JasontheDemon’ for reasons that will be explained later. The only thing I didn’t do was go to conventions (because my condition made it virtually impossible) and buy merchandise. I liked the show a lot, but the only things worth buying were fanmade and they sold for way more than I could afford. Well that’s basically my life. Horrible family? Check. Bullied to the point of breaking down? Make that a double check. Health issues? BIG check! Ready to end it all and give up? Not in a million years!