Hello Steemians! Special mention to those who are in Cebu! You're just too many to mention, but you rock!
I don't know how to start with this, but let me just mention that this post contains some crucial hints about my activities in the coming weeks or months. It's not that I'm thinking that everybody would read this post. I just want to put it on record, in case someone would approach me and air out their frustrations. I hope no one would do that to me, but I will just do this for contingencies.
For the nine months that I've been here, overall, it has been great so far. I can't say that everything's been great since I also have my share of woes in this platform. But I will not enumerate them in this post. First reason, I believe that there are still people who want what's the best. Second, I believe that I am not in a proper position to share them.
I have been inactive for the past two weeks. Inactive in a sense that I was not in my normal posting habit. I really don't feel like posting anything at first. I just want a break. Procrastination and overthinking dominated my mind. All I did was watch harvesting videos and anime. I knew I was stressed because I ended up watching 'how to harvest geoduck' on YouTube. Yeah, I'm that weird. I found watching harvesting videos therapeutic.
Two weeks ago, we had an ISO audit in the company. Work has taken over that week. I had to prioritize. I had to make sure that my process would be ready for the audit. It was fun, but it was exhausting. If I will reverse that sentence, the meaning would have been different. It was exhausting, but it was fun. I had to stick with the first sentence because of the reasons worthy of another post on another day. Dealing with documents and matching them with the actual process is not an easy task. Sometimes you tend to overlook the minute details due to your own bias.
The audit ended without any major findings from the auditors. I thought I could go back to my normal writing habit. I have never been so wrong in my life! Something happened that shook my inner self. I toughened my shell. I guess you could distinguish that if you have known me.
I never thought that I could be shaken like that. I don't have the liberty to divulge the details here. All I can say is this: Life has a way of knocking you down in ways you least expect. I felt so tired to deal with things other than getting my life back to where it should be. I don't how to do it, but I don't have a choice. I have to pick up the broken pieces and put them back together.
The problem is, the people you expected to be there for you are gone. Also, I couldn't just tell anyone this story. It's not worth the risk. I just wanted to take a break and go somewhere else. To a place where no one knows me. I just felt that escaping from this nightmare is the only solution. Facing this head on is not the best option since I know that I don't have the strength to do so.
For two weeks, my motivation to write was taken. Whenever I attempted to start writing, what happened will rush in and cloud my mind. I couldn't think straight. I felt that I was robbed of the only thing that keeps me sane. It's a feeling of loss where you don't know what was lost in the first place. My last resort and my choice was taken from me, but I have to move on.
So what now?
Now, I finally had the courage to write it down. I finally mustered my strength to release what's inside of me and ease myself of the burden I was forced to bear. Along with it was a realization and a bitter truth. I realized that I should take matters as an adult. There's no time for whining or complaining. What happened might be life's way of screwing me up.
I have to prioritize. As you might have known, there are people who depended on me. My personal complaints won't matter anymore. I should put forward the welfare of my family first. I can deal with my own emotions later. Later when everything's been sorted out and the truth's been laid bare under the sun.
Along with that prioritization is a sad reality that I won't be as active here as before. You can still feel my presence because I don't have a plan to abandon what I had started. Together with important considerations in place, I decided to have some adjustments in this blog. It was not an easy decision, but I have to endure.
How about your initiatives?
I will still continue to initiate them. But not in conventional ways as I did in the past. I am still figuring out a way to juggle the things I need to do without compromising my own health and my family's welfare.
I have to focus more on rebuilding myself and my self esteem. I have to do this not because I am selfish, but because I can't inspire people when I'm lost and broken. I have to give more time for myself now more than ever. I have to strive hard to go back to my old self.
Now that things are put into perspective, I might revert back to the reason why I joined this platform in the first place. I might go back to posting my adventures. As you might have observed, I haven't posted anything about travel for five months already.
I will still be around; that's a promise. You can still contact me on Messenger or on Discord. I will still support any initiative that aims to spread this platform to the people of Cebu.
Thank you so much for understanding! I hope that you are with me in this struggle. Struggle to achieve greatness amidst broken dreams and shattered self esteem.
Hoping for the best!
Kim
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