Self-Maintenance; if you mentioned this to me last year I would of said ‘that I totally take care of myself, that I am connected with who I am,’ which wouldn’t even answer the question. Knowing yourself is not the same as spending time with yourself or reflecting on your life. I didn’t really have self-maintenance and bad circumstances actually drove me further away from self-reflection. In survival mode you may forget to take a second and breathe, or forget to appreciate all that you’ve done so far. I’m quite aware that I often forget to just sit and enjoy my accomplishments.
I am much more to the point then I have ever been, I feel more honest with others because I’m more honest with myself. I feel I do things that I consciously want to do with less fear and regret, I think I’ve missed out on enough connections to know that they can disappear before you and that you do have to jump towards the things you really want. That my health is not unlimited by any means, and that time is really slipping away, even as it weighs us down at the same time. Time to curl up to a book and then sleep to rain hitting my windows, if only I could sleep in the forests like I used to.
