It's been about a year since I last wrote. Life just kind of took a sharp turn.
For those that don't know, I had a health crisis last year that abruptly sent me to surgery 3 times to patch up internal bleeding. I was actually a little relieved that my tiredness had a reason rather than aging or something more drastic.
I am lucky, even though I wasn't a candidate for a blood transfusion and maybe I was luck for that as well. However, it has been a heck of a mountain to climb on my own. The first step was just having the reassurance that my body was able to actually make blood still. It took a couple months to learn the positive answer of 'yes' my body was able to still make its own blood. It's still up and down depending on how well I keep up with ferritin and iron rich foods. Apparently blood making is comparable to rocket science and is quite complicated.
As I have been feeling better these last few months, writing has been calling to me. I miss it!
The question was and is still, "Am I ready to write again?" Last year when I got sick my brain didn't have the capacity to hold a thought so it became more and more difficult until I had to drop out of writing altogether.
It got to the point that I would have to nap during the day and get a little extra sleep at night in order to prepare for a writing goal :( I chalked it up to suddenly feeling the effects of aging yet too tired to do anything about it until it converged into a single diagnosis of "severe anemia".
This anemia has kind of beat me down in a lot of ways because the things I've enjoyed in life have not been there and surprisingly a little thing like anemia can bring about panic attacks, anxiety and depression. Who knew! I was really having a lot of issues with this toward the end of my Steemit days last year and I didn't quite understand what was going on so that only added to my anxiety.
Source
Here's a big surprise! You need oxygen to run your body, to move, to think, to be happy, to converse, to create!
If you can imagine finding your flow and just like that....poof...the words are gone. Frustrated, I'd tell myself, "it'll flow....well, tomorrow it will flow"
A Year later.........
Since I've been feeling better, I started setting easy goals and keeping the promises I make to myself (those are the hardest to keep!)....whether taking on a project in the house, drawing, gardening, etc. I'm doing it :) And I'm trying to muster up the courage and discipline to write again.
And just like that, the light seemingly turned back on. It began with this dream (which is also rare when you are low on blood/oxygen):
I stood amazed and excited that the room before me was so simple and bright. A white room filled with light and only a simple wooden chair and plant. The nearby window seemed to illuminate the one bare wall that, to me, seemed more a canvas - the focal point to this space. I stood there for a moment imagining what kind of
image to fill this blank space and thought it very important that it exude the same lightness and
simpleness as the room itself.
How did I even remember this dream?! Maybe my own soul wanted me to remember it.
That morning, I happened to wake up to a video about BEAUTY. Such a perfect pairing with the dream .
"HOW BEAUTY CAN HEAL US"
Somehow the culmination of words together reminded me of what I started to write last year. The topic was **Catharsis **
As a matter of curiosity, I opened my writing program and found where my thoughts had last ignited on a page. It was a little surreal...a thought time capsule! It has been a year since I had written these words. Am I even the same person I was last year?
And there it was "...."
An unfinished thought, a placeholder to return to....
I remember the excitement I felt, the explosion of inspiration as my mind tripped on wordplay and poetic nuances/memories and inspiration. As I continued reading the words, I became enthralled with the topic all over again.
These moments have a name! Moments that transcend suffering into profound wisdom.
So very true
How I love those deep topics. They are an inner journey of a lifetime if you catch one at just the right time. You just know that taking this journey will lead to something profound. That's what 'catharsis' was for me.
I am so grateful to be back in the saddle. Looking forward to making connections and being inspired again by all the creative people on this platform.
To be Continued.........