Ps: This post is personal but i’m at a stage in life where I want to share my experience as I have learnt a lot from it. As part of my research for my incomplete novel, I have been speaking to a few people and realised there’s so much of it going on. My perspective has changed in so many ways and if I can make a difference to someone who is currently living my past, then why not?
Okay, so today I want to talk about what actually gets on my nerve! We seriously need to stop worrying about what society think. We always live up to this hierarchy which we all try to fulfil in a synchronised order of events. Let me explain...
As you grow up,you have dreams of becoming something then, family (particularly if you come from an Indian background) expect you to study something within medicine, dentistry, pharmacy, engineering etc. I’m sure some of you can relate to this. I was one of them. My parents wanted me to study Pharmacy. I mean there’s nothing wrong with it, they were looking out for me and wanted me to have a secure future. BUT already if you notice we’ve started getting this financial security developing in our minds. I had my mind set from the age of 14 what I must do in order to pass the criteria for becoming a pharmacist. who knew that throughout the years of growing up, my interestS would change and I’d develop a huge passion for writing. The thing is, I tried but couldn’t focus on the medicine aspect. so I spoke to my parents and they were happy with me focusing on my dreams. Happy days.
Now you’ve only just come out of the pressure, stress and exhaustion of studying pretty much from childhood all the way past your teenage years and beginning of adulthood. Before you know it, you’re then told “Ah now you’ve finished your studies its time for marriage.” Now the funny part is, its not from your parents but your aunties and other people that actually don’t matter in your life! Luckily me and my sisters haven’t had that pressure from our parents. They are and have been so chilled. My two elder sisters Fatema and Saffiya were both introduced to their partners. They both got married when they were 18! So yea pretty young. It was chilled though, they went through the getting to know process and then within a few months tied the knot. Again Sumeya 3 of 6 met her other half through a mutual friend and when the time was right, they decided to get married. I guess when you know its right then why not ey. Being number 5 of 6 ,I’d never really thought about relationships / marriage. Until Ayisha, number 4, decided to get married (their story and how they met, is too cute but i’ll save that for another day) and then I thought fuck! I was 20 when she got married and all of a sudden i realised I had never been in a relationship. It’s not like I never had any crushes. There was a guy in school and then in college too. But I went for the “bad boy popular” type! Now if I see them I literally think wth!! On the other hand, I guess i had my set goals and i knew what was priority. My friends had boyfriends and I saw how things were. for me, I had one direction and my focus was on point. I kinda put the pressure on myself really.
Then came the year of entering adulthood: 18, officially and adult, (but the get away with murder kind) So at this age, most of my friends were starting university the most exciting time of our lives apparently. And there was me. Due to my career change from pharmacy to English literature, I was behind. I ended up doing another two years at college because all my A-Levels were science based: Chemistry, Biology, Psychology. By the time I started University, I was 20 and that was also the year Ayisha was getting married. First year of university was awesome. I really enjoyed it. Three years at uni went so quick and before I knew it we were graduating. I was 23 and I was given the opportunity to study Masters. I needed a job so I decided to go through the part-time route which ended up taking another 2 years to complete. I knew what I wanted and just went for it. After completing my Masters at 25, I was offered a fantastic opportunity with a scholarship to starting my phD. However due to circumstances, I chose to turn it away. At the time it was the right thing to do, as I can now say that I wouldn't have been ready for it now. Despite the chances of getting scholarship being 50/50 I am now in the process of applying with the hope of getting a place for this year... so fingers crossed.
To be continued...