“When you are not honoring the present moment by allowing it to be, you are creating drama.” ~Eckhart Tolle
Growing up as a teenager in a middle class family in India chaos was the status quo for the majority of my life, and when it wasn’t there, I panicked. I didn’t feel comfortable unless I was fighting someone, or at the very least, fighting myself.
The things I said and did contradicted because it was easier to blame the world and stay the same than it would be to really see myself and make a change.
Over the years I have done a lot of research and have read alomost all the good books relevnt to this subject. Through this research I feel, I have identified and adopted multiple ways to eliminate the unnecessary drama and anxiety from my life. I have started this post with a quote from Eckhart Tolle because his teaching and philosphy had a profound effect during this phase.
Given below is an essence of my learning on this topic:
###1. Recognize when you might be creating drama. ###
If there’s drama in multiple areas of your life, be honest with yourself—you’re the constant. Are you creating it? We don’t do anything repeatedly unless there’s something in it for us, so, what’s the payoff?
Are you looking for attention or excitement? Did you grow up with drama and you just plain feel best when there’s some around you?
Now aim to find alternative solutions. If you’re looking for attention, can you get it more directly? If you’re bored, what new adventure can create in your life?
2. Change your perspective.
A lot of the drama takes place in our own heads, and it’s usually because we’re too deeply immersed in a difficult situation to recognize it isn’t as dire as it seems.
If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed by a situation, step back and realize this feeling isn’t permanent—nothing is. Then focus on action steps—on the things you can control. What can you today to proactively create a solution?
3. Don’t feed into other people’s drama.
If someone repeatedly comes to you with catastrophes, give yourself a window of time when you’ll listen, and then take care of your own needs by walking away. Also, resist the urge to jump into a pity party. Oftentimes people calm themselves down when other people don’t validate their complaints.
Lastly, focus on your breath. Your calming energy may even help them let go.
4. Reconsider unhealthy relationships.
Take an inventory of which people in your life leave you feeling stressed and unhappy more often than not. If you don’t want to completely remove a toxic relationship, minimize the time you spend together.
If you don’t want to change how often you see each other, recognize drama triggers. When the conversation moves toward her horrible mother, steer it somewhere else.
5. Be clear and straight with other people.
A lot of drama comes from poor communication and confusion. Eliminate it by finding the courage to say exactly what you mean. It may be harder in the moment, but it can save a lot of heartache in the long run.
On the flip side, let people know that they can be honest with you. If someone thinks they need to walk on eggshells around you, they’ll likely hold things in—but they will come out eventually, if not in words, in resentful actions.
6. Be slow to label something as “drama.”
Sometimes what we’re labeling as drama is just someone who really needs us. Instead of expelling mental energy judging the situation as good or bad, focus on being there and being a friend in the moment.
Then be a friend to yourself and let the drama go when you walk away. A lot of the drama we experience in life comes from our interpretations of the things we experience—particularly after the moments have passed.
7. Learn from drama.
Sometimes it seems like drama happens to us, and we’re powerless to remove ourselves from the cause. Another perspective is that every time we find ourselves immersed in something that seems overwhelming, we have an opportunity to learn how to deal with challenges better.
Life will always involve mini fires that we feel desperate to put out. If we can learn not to fan them, they may actually be able to light our way.